Sacrifice of the Heart
by triplehhholic
Summary: This was a fanfic challenge I took part in. The plot line was Stephanie marrying to help her sick mother and coming across a relation of her husband's who might just change her life. This was what I came up with! AU HHH/Stephanie
1. Chapter 1

Sacrifice of the Heart

Chapter 1

_Fear is only in our minds  
But it's taking over all the time  
You poor sweet innocent thing  
Dry your eyes and testify  
And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?  
I'm your sacrifice_

Her breathing was easy.

That was Stephanie's first observation as she quietly tiptoed into the tastefully decorated bedroom. The smell of the freshly cut lawn greeted her as it drifted through the open balcony doors. Her mother always liked them open. She loved to breathe in the summer air and catch the faint scent of the roses in the rambling lush gardens. Sometimes she would even sit in the big wingback chair so she could catch the hot rays of the sun on her face or feel the gentle whisper of the wind. It was the closest she got to experiencing outdoors now that the cancer had restricted her mobility. Unfortunately it was yet another thing the disease had taken away from her.

Sighing softly, Stephanie approached the king size bed and the covers crumpled underneath her as she sat down, careful not to disturb her mother. Her blue eyes filled with tenderness as she reached over to sweep the coarse short strands that fell across the top her forehead. It was smooth and relaxed and her face wore a peaceful expression. It seemed that in her slumber, her mother had found a brief respite from her pain and that offered a small comfort. She had been so ill lately due to the new treatment and it was beginning to take its toll physically as well as emotionally. Her skin was pale and lucid and her features were gaunt. She had lost so much weight and could barely keep any food down.

As her fingertips trailed down her warm brow, Stephanie lightly traced the prominent cheekbone that jutted out sharply. The narrow deep lines etched around her eyes and full mouth were yet more proof that the disease had ravaged her body and aged her well before her time. But no matter how frail she looked, her mother was still the most beautiful woman in the world to her. She was all that mattered. Her mother was her life and she would do anything for her. She would even marry a man she despised just so she could ease her suffering and try and hold on to her just that bit longer because quite simply, the thought of losing the most precious thing in her heart absolutely terrified her. She didn't want to let go. She wasn't ready to be alone.

Letting out a shaky breath, Stephanie placed the pads of her fingers to her lips. She kissed them gently before pressing them ever softly against her mother's slightly parted mouth and whispering her love, she rose to her feet.

The sun momentarily blinded her as she moved around the bed, her bare feet sinking into the plush navy carpet. As she approached the heavy wooden door, the sound of the gravel crunching in the driveway caught her attention and her forehead crinkled in curiosity as she glanced over at the tall sash window. Her husband wasn't due home for at least another few hours after travelling half way across the state for a business meeting. The gardener had already left cycling home on his old Raleigh bicycle and she hadn't been expecting anyone else.

Peering past the lined floral drapes, Stephanie briefly glanced around but saw nothing leading up to the garage that was hidden behind the large oak tree. Chewing on her lip thoughtfully, she quickly left the bedroom, checking once more on her mother before carefully closing the door shut. The house was in silence as she made her way along the landing and descended the grand staircase, her hand lightly gripping the banister.

She was almost at the bottom step when she heard the noise. A door had slammed in the direction of the kitchen and whoever it was had entered by the back. No-one ever used that entrance including her husband which meant there was a strong possibility her visitor was an intruder.

Licking her lips, Stephanie walked on her tiptoes feeling her heart thump madly in her chest as she grabbed an antique vase that sat on a small writing desk. Wrapping her hand around it tightly, she approached the tall square paned doors that led to the kitchen area. Her mouth set in determination, she exhaled slowly before tentatively pressing her palm against the cool glass. She pushed it quickly and crept past the opening. As her blue eyes searched around the bright airy space, they soon found what they were looking for.

He was standing by the refrigerator. His back was turned to her and she swallowed hard as she took in his size. His black t-shirt was stretched tight across his massive frame and he was tall; probably too tall for her to take a decent whack at him.

Shifting the vase in her hand, she contemplated what to do next when her intruder suddenly turned round in her direction. His eyes widened when he saw her standing there and he stood still, like he was frozen to the spot. Stephanie decided to confront him while she still had the element of surprise on her side and lifting the vase to ensure he noticed she was armed, she took a step closer, her eyes watching him carefully.

"Excuse me but what are you doing in my home?" she asked him.

Her intruder just looked at her for a moment before his expression shifted and his lips curved up into an almost cocky smile.

"It's a funny thing. I was going to ask the exact same question."

"Pardon me?"

"I see you have manners. I like it. It's definitely a huge upgrade from the last broad I found shacked up here."

His brown eyes felt like they were piercing a hole through her as they began to appraise her.

"You're a lot prettier than her too. Maybe a little younger but then the old goat always did like them that way."

Stephanie shook her head in disbelief wondering who on earth this guy was. He obviously knew John, her husband but she didn't have a clue how. She'd never seen his face around here before and it was a face she was sure she would have remembered, especially the eyes. She swore he had the most incredible brown eyes she had ever seen.

"He also liked them feisty too which explains the hostile attitude and the vase in your hand."

"I thought you were an intruder. You could still be for all I know." she explained.

His shoulders shook with his deep chuckle and she scowled at him.

"What's so funny about that? I don't know who you are and I sure as hell don't know what you are doing here."

"Well then let me make it easy on that pretty little head of yours and introduce myself." His face flickered with an unfathomable expression as he held his big hand out to her. "I'm Paul."

Stephanie was silent as she stared back at him. His feet shifted on the floor as his hand fell away and lifted to smooth over his neat ponytail.

"And I can tell from that blank look on your face that my name makes no difference to you whatsoever."

"And should it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well I don't know. See, it all depends." he said as he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets.

"Depends on what?"

"Well shouldn't a mom be glad to meet her new son."

As his cocky smirk beamed back at her, Stephanie felt her mouth part in surprise. She knew John had mentioned he had a son but she had no idea that son was Paul. And the fact she didn't even recognise his name showed just how little her husband had talked about him. Then again, they weren't exactly in the habit of making conversation with one another. Their marriage was nothing more than a convenient arrangement; an arrangement that had been absolutely necessary on her part.

"Unless, of course, she sees that son as a threat to her."

Paul's words brought her out of her haze and as his challenging brown eyes stared back at her, she found herself staring right back.

"And why the hell would you be a threat to me?" she snorted angrily.

Paul lifted his shoulder in a shrug, the left corner of his mouth curving into an amused smirk as he leant forward into her. "You look like an intelligent girl. I'm sure you can figure it out."

Before she could form a reply, he disappeared into the hallway, the sound of his deep laughter following on behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Why it seems so hard to find the way_

_Out of this, out of this, out of this_

_Coz changes only scream out loud_

_Now I'm here_

_I'm counting stars... _

The crunch of Paul's footsteps echoed loudly in the silence of the midnight hour with the toe of his black sneakers intermittently kicking at the grey stones as he made his way up the graveled path. His shadow stretched in front of him as he walked, guided by the soft white light of the full moon. It sat high in the clear black sky surrounded by the bright constellations of stars that twinkled like tiny pinholes above him. The stars were actually one of the few things he missed about this place; that and the smell of the ocean.

That's where he had been since he had unpacked his bag. He had sat on the beach and breathed in the fresh, salty air while listening to the rushing of the waves as they washed up on the shore. The sound had always soothed him and calmed him for as long as he could remember and God knows he had needed that calm tonight. Just being back in this place completely unnerved him and unsettled him in ways he couldn't explain yet here he was like he had been every year for the last nine years. He just couldn't stay away. Not now. Not when everything inside him needed to feel close to her.

Sighing softly, Paul stopped at the top of the path and stared up at the old red brick house that once was home. Stuffing his hands deep in his jeans pockets, he felt the warm balmy breeze blow through his hair. Nothing had changed, at least not on the outside. The familiar sash windows were cloaked in darkness but the building was illuminated by the security light that had been triggered by his movement. His somber brown eyes took in the trellising by the doorway and the pink roses that climbed up the painted wood. His mother had loved those roses. His mother had loved this house. So had he once upon a time but sadly that love had been tarnished by his painful memories and ghosts. Ghosts he just couldn't put to rest no matter how hard he tried. And he had tried. It's why he came back here year after year seeking the one thing that would help him let go of the past. But he never found it and he had a feeling he probably never would, not if his father had anything to do with it.

Pressing his lips together tightly, Paul briefly closed his eyes. He ignored that knot of guilt in his gut as he tried to imagine the old man's reaction finding him here again. No doubt his little bride had informed him of his presence. He could sense his arrival this afternoon had been quite the surprise to her. Well, she had been no more surprised than he had been. He had no idea his father had married again but then again that would have required actual communication on his part and that just wasn't going to happen. Any form of conversation between them had ended a long time ago. In fact, it had ended the day he'd buried his mother; the exact same day his dad had written him off and become a stranger to him.

Sniffing lightly, Paul opened his eyes and raked his fingers through his hair. He quickly pushed all thoughts of his father out of his mind refusing to dwell on him any longer as he made his way round the back of the house opening the door quietly. The last thing he wanted was to disturb the whole house making him even more unwelcome than he already was.

Clicking it shut behind him, Paul made his way through the dark hallway and towards the kitchen. The moonlight shone through the large French doors, half illuminating the room so he didn't bother to flick on the light. He jumped slightly startled when he heard the soft voice emanating from the shadowy darkness.

"Hey."

His brown eyes peered in her direction as he placed his hand on his chest feeling his heart pounding against his rib cage. "Jesus Christ! You scared me." he said, letting out a calming breath.

He saw her pretty face appear before him as she stepped into the soft light and he lightly shook his head causing his blonde strands to shift over his shoulders.

"Do you make a habit of sneaking up on people?" he asked her gruffly.

"Sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up."

Paul nodded as she switched on the light, his eyes briefly wincing as they slowly adjusted to the glare. As he blinked rapidly, he took in the young woman standing in front of him. Her face was free of the makeup she wore earlier and he realised just how naturally beautiful she was. Her soft brown hair fell in tousled waves over her bare shoulders resting on the creamy mounds of her breasts that poked temptingly above her silk pyjama top. He had to admit she was physically attractive. Swallowing thickly, his gaze lingered there watching her hand reach up and adjust the thin spaghetti strap that had slipped out of place. The diamond of her ring sparkled back at him reminding him who she was and quickly, it lifted him from his trance.

Clearing his throat, he wandered towards the small island in the middle of the floor not entirely sure what had come over him just then. He was obviously more tired from his journey that he thought. Still, he had to give the old goat credit. His little wife was quite the trophy. He just wondered if this broad realised exactly what she was letting herself in for. Then again, he was sure she reaped the benefits in more ways than one.

Opening the refrigerator door, Paul reached in and grabbed the carton of milk. The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk as he turned round to see her big blue eyes watching him.

"I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies." he said to her. "By the looks of things, you're not armed this time. That vase looked like it could have caused some serious damage earlier."

Stephanie sniffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "It was meant to. For all I knew, you could have wanted to attack me."

"Well you never know." winked Paul. "The night is still young, babe."

As his deep laughter echoed through the kitchen, Stephanie pressed her lips together in disapproval ignoring the voices in her head that wanted to acknowledge how sexy he sounded when he laughed. Of course, that very notion was just ridiculous. The guy was a total asshole not to mention completely full of himself. Shaking her head at him, her blue eyes narrowed in his direction. "That's not even funny. I am married to your father, you know."

"Oh I know. You don't have to remind me of that."

As his words hung between them, Paul's smile faded and there was a flicker of emotion in his brown eyes before he spoke again.

"I guess I should offer you my congratulations. Sorry I couldn't make it home for the happy event."

Stephanie lifted her shoulder in a shrug as she watched his long fingers toy with the top of the carton. "It wasn't much of a ceremony anyway."

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised. When you've walked down that aisle for a third time, the whole thing must get to be a bit tiresome."

Paul's feet shifted on the floor as he pushed aside the milk on the counter. He rested his thick forearms in front of him leaning on them as he looked towards Stephanie with an almost smug expression on his face.

"Dad has told you he's been married before, right?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Of course."

"I just thought I would check. Sometimes he can be a bit sketchy on the details."

Paul paused as he glanced down at his hands, sliding his fingers together in a preoccupied movement. "I mean, take me, for example. I bet he never mentioned anything about me."

As he lifted his head, Stephanie saw something that resembled pain in his deep brown pools but it passed quickly making her wonder if she only ever imagined it.

"Not really." she admitted as she shifted her weight onto her other foot.

"Why doesn't that surprise me? I can just imagine his face when you told him I'd shown up here today." he snorted.

"Actually he doesn't know. He didn't come home. The meeting ran late so he decided to stay in the city."

"A meeting, huh?"

There was something in his tone that irritated her. Furrowing her brow in Paul's direction, Stephanie glared at him. "That's what I said."

"What kind of a meeting?"

"How should I know?" she replied, annoyed. "We don't really discuss his business."

"I'll bet you don't."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well you're not exactly going to be interested in how Dad makes his money, just as long as he makes it."

"You know I don't think I like what you're implying here." said Stephanie, enraged.

Paul pushed himself off the small island, straightening up as he took in her pissed off expression. As he raked his fingers through his long blonde hair, he knew he didn't care if he had angered her. After all, he was only calling it as it was. It was obvious to anyone with a brain in their head that this was a marriage of convenience for her; her and that Barbie doll his father had gotten in tow with previously. Their wedded bliss had ended after just three years and their parted ways had set him back a pretty penny or two just like this one would. It was only a matter of time. He was just glad he wasn't relying on the old man's inheritance to set him up for life. The rate he was going, it would be soaked up by his greatest vice; his women. Giving a snort of disdain, he glowered at Stephanie.

"Of course you don't you like it. After all, gold digger isn't exactly the most flattering of terms."

"I'll have you know I'm no gold digger." she said outraged, her manicured finger pointing in his direction.

"No? Then why the hell are you here? It sure isn't because you love the guy."

Paul's piercing brown eyes glared at her and she felt a pang of guilt in her chest knowing his words were completely accurate.

"I do." she replied weakly wondering who she was trying to convince. It wasn't herself and it certainly wasn't Paul yet his judgement of her had made her defensive. She'd be damned if she admitted the truth to the likes of him. As she jutted her chin out almost defiantly, Paul snorted at her loudly.

"Are you kidding me? The guy is sixty years old for Christ sakes not to mention the fact he's an evil, selfish old bastard. Why the hell would you be attracted to the likes of him?"

Stephanie looked at him in stunned wonderment hearing the venom in his words as he talked about his father. John was his only parent and she could never imagine despising her mother in such a way. "That's your father you're talking about." she scolded feeling the need to reprimand him for his actions.

"Oh I'm well aware who he is toots. I don't need you to spell it out for me and I don't have to be a genius to figure out why you're here. I mean look at you."

"What about me?"

Paul's brown eyes seemed to soften as they scanned her face. "You're young and you're extremely beautiful."

Stephanie swallowed thickly as she heard the gentle undercurrent in his deep tone.

"Why the hell else would you be with that man except for his money."

She glanced away as she felt that knot of guilt in her gut once more.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

Paul's arrogant tone made her bristle with anger. Yes, she married his father for his money but it wasn't about material gain. It was about saving the most precious person in her life. She would go through hell and back to give her mother the tiniest chance of living and beating the disease that had completely crippled her. John had offered her that chance and she had grabbed it with both hands. Sure, she was unhappy and most nights she cried herself to sleep. Her husband could be a vicious and cold man but sacrificing her own happiness for her mother's life was a small price to pay if it spared her. She was prepared to do whatever it took to get her better including dealing with an arrogant son of a bitch like Paul. Suddenly he seemed a lot like John despite their physical features bearing no similarities to one another and she wasn't going to waste her breath trying to make him understand her situation.

"You don't know what you're talking about so don't you dare make assumptions about me!" she warned him.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really." she said loudly.

Paul was silent for a second as his hand searched for the milk carton once more. As he unscrewed the cap, his head slowly lifted towards her. "You're quite the little spitfire, aren't you?"

As he took a large mouthful of the cold drink, he felt Stephanie's eyes on him, burning a hole through him as she watched him in silence. He could feel her rage in her ocean blue pools. The funny thing was she looked sexy as hell when she was angry which only encouraged him to fuel her rage further.

Swallowing the milk, he brought the carton from his mouth. "What? Should I be a good boy and drink from the glass?"

Her nostrils flared as she glared at him. "You're not funny. I'm going to bed."

As she spun on her heel, his voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Wait."

She stood there with her back turned to him, reluctant to even look in his direction. Her shoulders rose and fell with her controlled breathing as she felt him walk towards her, the faint scent of his spicy cologne following him. As she breathed it in, she felt her anger slowly start to dissipate.

"You never did tell me your name and of course Dad has been a little sketchy on the details." he said, surprising her.

She swallowed thickly as she glanced back over her shoulder not quite meeting his brown eyes. "It's Stephanie."

"Stephanie, huh?"

She nodded as she slowly looked back towards the hallway. Silence descended for a moment as they stood inches apart and she licked her dry lips. The air felt thick between them as the low hum of the refrigerator kicked in slightly startling her. It was quickly followed by Paul's deep tone.

"Well goodnight Stephanie."

"Goodnight." she replied softly. She didn't look back as her bare feet scurried along the highly polished floor. For some reason she didn't trust herself to. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she had felt this overwhelming tension between them just now; a tension she just couldn't explain. A tension she didn't want to explain. Besides, she had probably imagined it. But if that was the case, why was her heart beating so fast and why did she have the uncontrollable urge to turn around and go back in that room?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Would you please get out from under my skin  
'Cause I can't begin this yet  
And I don't know what my intentions are  
They're speaking in a different tongue  
And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem  
But I won't let you know  
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance  
And you should go_

Stephanie breathed in the fresh aroma of the coffee and her blue eyes were impatient as they stared at the percolator. The dark liquid was taking forever to fill the pot almost like it sensed her urgent need for the caffeine. In fact it actually seemed like it was taunting her by trickling ever so slowly out of the filter above and she sighed as she rested her elbows on the counter, leaning her head against the palm of her hand.

She would blame him for this. Paul. He'd had put a hex on her coffee maker in some lame attempt to get under her skin. God knows he liked to wind her up and he had been doing exactly that ever since he'd got here with his smart ass comments and that cocky smirk of his. And to think that for the tiniest, briefest of seconds she had actually entertained the thought that it was sexy. Of course that was completely ridiculous just like it was ridiculous that something had happened between them last night; some weird gravitational pull that had made her lose her senses for like a fraction of a millisecond. And she blamed that on his cologne, nothing else. The damn scent had obviously messed with her head. Yes, that was it.

Shifting her feet and straightening up, Stephanie pressed her lips together stifling a yawn. She was tired and it had been a struggle to drag herself out of bed this morning after tossing and turning for most of the night. Of course that was entirely Paul's fault as well. Not only had he messed with her head but he'd had the nerve to invade her thoughts too making her restless and edgy. Bastard!

Stephanie scowled as she snatched at the cream mug sitting on the counter noticing with relief that the coffee was ready. Reaching for the pot, she poured the hot drink breathing in the aroma once more. The mug was dangerously full when she lifted it up to her mouth and it lightly burned her lip as she took a sip, causing her hand to jerk upwards.

"Damn it!" she cried out as the black liquid spilled onto her t-shirt, staining the white cotton material. Her hand swiped at the mark as she lightly cursed under her breath.

"You should watch out. That coffee's hot."

Her body froze as she heard his deep voice and swallowing thickly, Stephanie slowly lifted her head. Paul was standing on the opposite side of the small island, his blonde hair tucked behind his ears and his brown eyes twinkling with his grin. A grin that was causing a strange sensation in her chest; a light fluttering that made her feel weak yet infuriated her at the exact same time. The very idea that she had any sort of reaction to any grin of his made her want to scream at him.

"No shit Sherlock." she scowled back.

"Oooh! That's quite the mouth you've got on you this morning."

"Bite me." she spat back, narrowing her eyes menacingly in his direction as she banged her mug down on the counter and crossed the short distance to the sink. She tried to ignore Paul's amused chuckle as she picked up the sponge and began to scrub at the coffee stain on her shirt. Damn him for being here and damn him for making her spill her drink.

"I see someone obviously got out of bed on the wrong side or was it that she got out of bed alone?"

Stephanie looked up and glared at him, shaking her head. "You know you're really not funny."

Paul lifted his shoulder in a shrug. "I wasn't trying to be."

She snorted at him in disdain and focused her attention once more on the stain, dabbing at it furiously completely unaware of the slow smirk that had adorned Paul's face as he watched her.

"Damn. This won't come out." she muttered.

"Then may I suggest that you just take the top off?"

Stephanie's head shot up and her breath caught in her throat when she saw Paul standing less than a few feet away. He was smirking at her and for some reason his proximity made her uneasy in her own skin. He was too close to her; far too close for comfort.

Taking a step back, Stephanie deliberately put some distance between them swallowing thickly as the blood began to beat in her ears. "You're disgusting, you know that?"

Paul's face lit up with his amusement as she paused and tossed the sponge to the counter.

"Although I really shouldn't be surprised." she continued placing her hands on her hips. "I mean you probably try and hit on anything that moves."

"Oh I wasn't hitting on ya, toots. But trust me, if I wanted you, you'd know all about it." said Paul confidently as he took another step closer and saw Stephanie's jaw jut out defiantly as she glared at him once more, her ocean blue pools looking at him challengingly.

This woman was one feisty broad but if he was honest, it only made her more appealing to him. He couldn't help himself. There was just something about her that pulled him in; her spark was like a magnet making him seek a reaction from her. It's why he wound her up. It's why he tried his hardest to get under her skin. It was like an automatic impulse he had every time he was near her and God help him, but for some reason it was becoming impossible for him to stay away. He'd even thought about her last night as he had lain in the darkness. He wasn't sure what was happening but he was certain that he had felt it. He'd felt this strange weird tension between them as he had stood over her shoulder yesterday.

"Then I'll thank my lucky stars that I'm off the hook."

Her voice lifted him from his daze. Licking his lips and blinking, he leant his body forward, his brown eyes looking deeply into hers. "I never said you were off any hook."

Stephanie heard the underlying current in his deep gravelled tone and she swallowed hard feeling herself get lost in those incredible brown pools. God knows they were dangerous for her; dangerous enough that she was standing here feeling her body tingle with anticipation. But anticipation for what? She was married for goodness sakes and to his father of all people. This was just wrong. Wrong and stupid and it simply couldn't happen.

Paul was nothing more than a distraction; a distraction from her fear over her mother and her constant sadness at feeling trapped and lonely. So lonely that at nights her arms ached just to hold someone, just to reach out and have someone there at the end of her fingertips. She was so tired of sleeping alone but that was a sacrifice she was willing to make. She would do whatever it took to give her mother back her life and a moment of weakness wasn't going to screw it up. Because that's all this was between her and Paul. A stupid moment of weakness.

Deliberately drawing her eyes away from his, Stephanie stepped back from him and letting out a shaky breath, she quickly regained her composure.

"I…I'd better go. I need to get to the pharmacy before ten." she told him.

"What? You needing to stock up on the Valium before the old goat gets back home?" quipped Paul.

A flash of pain crossed her face as her hand shoved at him. "You're a jerk. You know that don't you!" she spat as she pushed past refusing to even glance in his direction.

As the door banged shut behind her, Paul's brown eyes could only stare after her in stunned wonderment as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened here.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Open my eyes wide to see a moment of clarity  
confusion gone, it's in your hands  
your turn to ask why._

Paul glanced up at the clock as his hand pushed away his empty coffee mug. It was a little after ten thirty and Stephanie still hadn't returned to the house making him wonder where exactly she had gotten to. The pharmacy was only a couple of miles away in the centre of the town and she had driven off over an hour ago in some silver Convertible that was no doubt a gift from his father. He had to give the old man credit. He always was extremely generous when it came to his women. It was just a pity he never extended that same generosity towards his own son.

Raking his fingers through his blonde hair, Paul sighed softly and rolled his lips together thoughtfully. His fingers absently toyed with gold bracelet on his watch as he pondered over whether Stephanie wasn't back because she had other errands to run. After all, it's not like he was privy to her morning routine. He didn't have a clue what she did with her time. He didn't even know if she had a job although the chances of that were few and far between. Stephanie had no need to work. His father was filthy rich and not only that he still lived in the dark ages. He would never entertain the idea of any wife of his having a career, not while he could provide for them and that probably suited his little bride down to the ground. After all, it was his father's wealth that brought her here in the first place. It sure as hell wasn't anything else, at least not that he could make out and somehow that disappointed him. He just couldn't believe that someone like Stephanie who seemed so feisty and passionate could marry for reasons other than love but then again, he always had been a sucker for romance. He was like his mother and obviously didn't live in the cold, harsh reality of the real world. That was probably why he had crashed and burned in relationships more times than he cared to remember.

Pushing back the tall stool, Paul stood up from the small island tugging on the bottom hem of his white t-shirt. He slowly wandered over to the open window and felt the warmth of the sun on his face. It was bright outside and the sky was a pretty crystal clear blue. He immediately thought of Stephanie's eyes and then mentally scolded himself for being so pathetic. But for some crazy reason, everything came back to her especially this morning. She was all he could think about and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had upset her somehow. And while he had been in the habit of doing that since he had arrived, this was a different kind of upset. It hadn't been caused by his usual barbed comments, the ones he made with the whole intention of provoking her. Something he had said unintentionally had gotten to her to the point where he had seen the flicker of pain in her angry expression before she had stormed off. His words had triggered something in her but he didn't have a clue what. Then again, he didn't have a clue period when it came to women.

Snorting lightly, Paul stepped back from the window and he was about to head out to the garden when he heard the loud thump on the floor above him. He jumped slightly startled and his brow crinkled in curiosity as he glanced towards the staircase. He hadn't realised he wasn't alone in the house. Someone else was here but who was it? Unless of course it wasn't a person and something had just fallen in the bedroom; maybe it had blown over in the wind.

Walking to the stairs, Paul decided to find out. After all that had been a quite a bang and it was obviously something heavy that had fallen. The least he could do was make himself useful and put it back in place. God knows he had nothing else to do with his time. That was why he had spent the last hour fretting over Stephanie. He was clearly bored and restless and it wasn't good for his sanity especially when he was starting to imagine things like the ridiculous notion that he wanted her. Of course that thought was just completely crazy. She was his father's wife and a cold hearted bitch. She was only out for what she could get and it wouldn't be a night in the sack with him even if she did have a great rack.

Quickly pushing the image of Stephanie's damp coffee stained t-shirt from his mind, Paul ascended the staircase and reaching the landing, he turned left towards the room the noise had come from. It was an abandoned bedroom once used as his mother's studio. His mother had loved to paint and many an afternoon he would find her there sitting by the open balcony doors working on her canvas as she breathed in the summer air. She used to tell him it cleared her mind and made her feel alive yet at the end, it only reminded her of what she was missing and what she would ultimately leave behind in her death.

As his face flickered with his sadness, Paul slowly approached the heavy wooden door reluctant to enter the room filled with memories of his mother. They still carried a wistful pain despite the years that had passed yet at the same time, they were still an immense comfort to him. His memories were all he had left; that and the love he carried for his mother in his heart.

As an image of her face flashed through his mind, Paul briefly closed his eyes but they quickly sprung open again when he heard the faint moan from behind the door. As he wondered who the hell it was, his knuckles lifted to lightly rap against the wood.

"Excuse me. Are you okay in there?"

But he didn't wait for a reply. Instead he opened the door and was instantly taken aback when he saw the unfamiliar wallpaper and furniture. As his brown eyes took in his surroundings, they fell on the large king size bed and he was surprised all over again when he saw the woman sitting on the edge of the mattress. Her tired, kind face stared back at him and her lips curved into a gentle smile.

Paul shifted his feet underneath him as he nervously cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I heard the noise and just wanted to check everything was alright." he explained.

He took a few hesitant steps closer to the bed and smiled softly.

"Are you okay?"

The lady nodded reassuringly. "I'm fine. I just got my foot caught on the rug trying to open the balcony doors. It's a little warm in here today."

"Want me to open them for you?"

"Would you? I'd be so grateful."

Paul nodded and crossing the room, he turned the brass handle and pulled open the glass doors. He was instantly hit with the fresh salty air and the warm rays of the sun. He slowly breathed them in and then turned back towards the bed. He watched the woman shift uncomfortably on the crumpled covers. He could tell from her tense expression that she was in pain but he wasn't dumb to think it was due to her little stumble. Her frail, pale face told him all he needed to know. That and her thinning blonde hair. This lady was sick and he swallowed hard as he was once more reminded of his mother.

"Thank you."

Her soft voice brought him out of his haze and Paul smiled back as he tucked his blonde hair behind his left ear. "You're welcome."

"I must say how nice it is to see a fresh face around here. I mean I love my daughter but she's the only person I ever see from one day to the next."

As her blue eyes looked up at him, he already had the answer to the question on the tip of his tongue but he asked it anyway. "So your daughter must be Stephanie?"

"Yes. Do you know one another?"

Paul lifted his shoulder in a shrug. "Not really. We only met yesterday."

"So you're a relative of John's then?"

"Actually I'm his son." he said, letting out an awkward chuckle as he saw Stephanie's mother's face flicker with her obvious surprise.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't aware John had a son."

"Yeah well we don't really keep in touch so it would be an easy assumption to make."

"Well regardless, it's nice to finally meet you……"

Her voice trailed off and his brown eyes twinkled back at her.

"It's Paul." he told her.

She smiled back momentarily disguising her gaunt features with her distinguished beauty. "Well Paul, I'm Linda."

Just then she lifted her slender hand trying to stifle her yawn. Paul immediately felt bad having kept her in conversation. Lord knows it looked like the poor woman should be resting. Her eyes were so heavy and dark circles encompassed them. He wondered just how bad it was and his expression softened with his sympathy for her.

"So Linda, is there anything else I can do for you before I go?"

"Actually, yes." she told him as her hand reached for the walking frame that sat next to her at the side of the bed. "Would you help this old lady to the window? It's a beautiful day out and I wouldn't mind feeling the sun on my face."

Her words momentarily stunned him and the sadness crept into his eyes as he was brought back to another place and another time. "My mom loved the sun too." he remembered softly.

As he saw Linda smile and try to get to her feet, he immediately stopped her by standing on front of the bed and crouching down in front of her.

"Here, wrap your arms around my neck."

"Thank you." she sighed as her tiny body shifted towards him.

As Paul scooped her up, she felt as light as a child and he could feel her bones as they stuck out through the thin cotton material of her night dress. His lips down turned slightly as he carried her to the blue wingback chair and placed her down gently.

"So are you home for long?" Linda asked him as her tired body sunk into the soft padded cushions.

Paul shook his head. "Just a couple of days."

"Well maybe you'll visit me and say hello again before you go?"

His expression was soft as his fingers reached for her hand, touching it gently.

"You can count on it."

As she nodded and turned her head to the window, Paul saw her eyes immediately close over. He carefully got to his feet and his footsteps were light as he crossed the room. He was on his way out of the door when the small bottles caught his eye. At a quick glance he was able to identify the medication. Demerol and Valium.

Suddenly his stomach dropped and he felt it twist with guilt as he closed the door over, immediately regretting the comment about Stephanie's trip to the pharmacy. That was when he saw her just a few feet away. Her footsteps slowed as she approached him and he swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly feeling terribly dry as her blue eyes cautiously looked at him.

"Hey." she said.

"Hey." he replied, stuffing his hands awkwardly in his pockets as he nodded in the direction of the door. "So I met your Mom."

Stephanie nodded slowly.

"She had a little trouble opening the window so I helped her out."

Her lips pressed together in a tight smile. "Thanks."

"No problem. She's a nice lady." he said affectionately as he shifted his feet, his brown eyes seeking out hers. "So how bad is it?" he asked.

"How bad is what?"

"The cancer."

Stephanie's shoulders seemed to slump as her wide blue eyes stared back at him, stunned and surprised. "So she told you, huh?"

Paul's expression was sombre as he shook his head. "She didn't have to."

He saw the confusion in her blue orbs and began to explain.

"My Mom had cancer. I sort of recognised the signs."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah." He briefly glanced back at the door, licking his lips as he continued. "She had acute myeloid leukaemia. Not that they knew that's what it was at first. Their initial diagnosis was anaemia. By the time they discovered it was much more serious, the cancer was pretty advanced and any treatment she had was only to prolong the time she had left."

Stephanie stared back at him stunned as she absorbed what he had told her. John hadn't mentioned his first wife had cancer. Then again, John had never mentioned his wife at all only informing her she had passed on. She could still remember his words now. They had seemed cold and indifferent unlike Paul whose deep tone was laced with his emotion as he spoke about the disease that had taken his mother. Suddenly their worlds didn't seem so far apart after all.

"I can still remember her face when she sat me down and told me she was stopping the chemotherapy." Paul continued. "She looked so frightened and it killed me inside to see her that way. My mom was always this strong person, you know. She was larger than life."

His voice trailed away as he briefly glanced down at the carpet. Stephanie shifted her feet underneath her as her head reached for him but it stopped in mid-air and fell to her side like she was almost too scared to touch him. It was like touching him would break down the unspoken barrier that existed between them. A barrier that was necessary if only for the sake of her own sanity. Still, that didn't stop her heart from reaching out to him. He'd watched his mother suffer and that pain connected them regardless.

"I'm sorry, Paul." she hushed.

"Hey it was a long time ago, right?" he replied, forcing a smile on his face and lifting his shoulder in a shrug as he tried his best to maintain his composure. It had been a long time since he'd let himself remember but somehow seeing Linda had caused it all to come rushing back. As his mind turned to the woman he had just met, his face softened fondly. "So, how is your Mom?" he asked her.

Stephanie's blue eyes mirrored her sadness as she let out a slow, shaky breath. "It's not good but they've started her on a new treatment. It's an experimental drug and they seem pretty hopeful it will stop the cancer from spreading any further."

Paul's nose instantly wrinkled in confusion. "Experimental, huh? I didn't know health insurance covered experimental drugs."

He saw her face shift with an unfathomable expression as she pushed her hair behind her ear and gestured to the bag in her hand.

"I'd better get in there. Mom needs her medication."

Stephanie's blue eyes avoided him as he stepped aside to let her pass.

As he listened to the door click shut behind her, Paul's brow furrowed deeply in thought. Slowly little pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place for him and he realised that maybe, just maybe he had pegged Stephanie all wrong.

While he was in no doubt she had married his father for financial reasons, suddenly those reasons weren't as materialistic or selfish as he wanted to believe. In fact, her possible reasons were the complete opposite of selfish and had been driven by her love for her mother and her fear of watching her die right in front of her. And he knew what that fear felt like. He'd experienced it himself nine years ago and knowing the devastation he had felt when his mother had passed on, he knew he would have done anything if it meant he could keep her for one more day. God knows he wished time and time again that he had just one more chance to tell her he was sorry and that he loved her.

Pushing back the hot lump in his throat, Paul took his hands out of his pockets and let out a shaky breath. His movements were slow as he began to walk down the hallway but he stopped glancing back in the direction of the door feeling something shift in his chest as he thought of the woman behind it. It was something he had never experienced before. Something that frightened and overwhelmed him and something that he had to ignore for his sake and for hers; that's if he even could.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Everybody chases and some will deal.  
Never play a chance tho' none are for real.  
Everything falls between the cracks of  
Love and attraction_

Stephanie glanced in the gilt edged mirror, her tongue absently running over her teeth as she checked the reflection staring back at her. It actually wasn't bad and a vast improvement from the hot sweaty mess she'd been all morning. Her freshly washed hair sat straight and soft over shoulders and there was a glow to her skin thanks to her lightly applied makeup. It concealed the dark circles under her tired eyes and her lips shimmered with her very berry lip gloss. It was a perfect match for the red halter-neck she wore and the floating material complimented the curves of her body.

Smoothing her hands over the bottom hem, Stephanie sighed softly and turned to the side. Not that it really mattered what the top complimented. The truth of the matter was no one gave a damn what she looked like and at times that even included herself. In fact, sometimes she would even go days without touching a stick of makeup. After all, it wasn't like she had a husband to impress or make the effort for. John didn't care what she looked like and quite frankly, she didn't care either. It made her wonder why the hell she'd wasted her time tonight.

But as Stephanie moved away from the mirror, she felt that now familiar fluttering in her stomach and she knew exactly the reason why. She just wasn't going to admit it to herself because admitting it would mean admitting that she was attracted to him. That she felt something for him and of course, that was just impossible. After all, the guy was nothing more than a pain in the ass; a giant pain in the ass that liked to annoy her and get under her skin. In actual fact, she was pretty sure she loathed him. But if that was the case, why couldn't she stop thinking about him or seeing that haunted expression in those incredible brown eyes of his.

Rolling her lips together thoughtfully, Stephanie wandered across to her window and her fingers pulled back the heavy drape as she looked out over the garden. Paul wasn't there. He wasn't in the house either. In fact, he'd been gone all afternoon and she hadn't seen him since she'd left him standing on the landing. It had shaken her up a little bit to know they shared something in common and their pain over watching a loved one suffer connected them in some way.

God, she could still hear his voice now telling her about his mom. Paul had sounded so sad and so desolate and her heart had gone out to him. It's why she had searched for him after her mother had fallen asleep. For some reason she needed him to know he wasn't alone and if he wanted someone to talk to, she was there for him. There was just something in his words and his eyes that made her want to reach out to him. His pain had still seemed so fresh and so raw despite the years that had passed making her sense that Paul had been bottling everything up inside. And she didn't know why but she hated thinking he had no one he could turn to. Unfortunately loneliness was an emotion she could identify with and it was all too familiar to her.

Sighing once more, Stephanie stepped back from the window. Tucking a few strands behind her left ear, she made her way downstairs deciding to make a start to dinner. At least it would keep her mind occupied and thoughts of Paul would be kept to a minimum if she was lucky. If that didn't work, she would casually remind herself of every barbed comment and insult he had made to her since his arrival. That would definitely stop this ridiculous notion that she suddenly cared about him or even the more ridiculous one that she was attracted to him.

But as Stephanie got to the bottom of the staircase, she heard a noise in the direction of the kitchen and her heart flipped in her chest. It was him. Paul was home.

She let out a slow calming breath mentally scolding herself for her reaction. She really needed to get a grip. This was bordering on insane. So he was hot and he had a sexy ass. He was still an arrogant pig and more importantly than that, he was John's son. Her supposed step-son! Christ!

Lightly shaking her head, Stephanie glanced down at the polished floor biting down on the inside of her lip as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey."

Paul's deep tone startled her despite knowing he was there and as her head shot up in his direction, she felt her mouth go dry as she met the pair of soft brown eyes in front of her. His lips were curved into a smile and she felt her knees go weak as he watched her. Damn him. What the hell was wrong with her? She'd never been like this in her life before. She was usually calm and in control. Maybe she'd let her sympathy for him mess with her head. Or maybe it was some bizarre hormonal meltdown caused by the heat or even the lack of sex in her life. Wait a second. No. She couldn't think about sex. Not now. Not with Paul standing there looking like that and damn, she was sure her mouth was hanging wide open.

Clearing her throat, Stephanie pressed her lips together and mentally gave herself a shake. "Hey." she eventually replied, her arms crossing over her chest as she glanced around the room. "So we probably have to stop meeting like this."

Paul raised his brow quizzically and she lifted her shoulder in a shrug.

"The kitchen? But as you can see, I can come in peace. Look. There's not a single vase in sight."

As she held out her hands, Stephanie saw the flicker of amusement on his face and she cursed herself for her nervous rambling. What was it about this guy that caused her to fall apart inside?

"I'm glad to hear it although you do know the vase was never really an issue for me." he replied, his brown eyes twinkling as he leant back against the counter crossing one foot over the other.

"Oh really?"

"Really. I mean, not to burst your bubble or anything toots but I reckon I've got at least a hundred pounds on you."

Stephanie snorted at his calculation. "Actually I'd say it was more like a hundred and twenty. Maybe even one twenty five."

"Of course you would." he smirked.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Paul quickly shook his head, his blonde strands shifting over his massive shoulders. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

Narrowing her eyes suspiciously in his direction, Stephanie wandered over to the coffee maker and reached for the washed mug sitting on the drainer.

"So, I haven't seen you all afternoon. Where have you been?" she asked as she began to pour the coffee.

"What are you? My mother?"

As Stephanie glared back at him, Paul grinned cockily.

"Oh wait, you are."

"God you're such an asshole!" she cried as she banged down the mug and violently tugged open the refrigerator door unaware that Paul was watching her intently. His smile faded as he swallowed thickly, his brown eyes helplessly admiring her short denim skirt and the long slender legs that accompanied it. He swore the woman was trying to kill him especially leaning slightly forward like she was doing now. And then of course there was the top she wore and the little red pendant that dangled temptingly between her breasts. How the hell was he supposed to ignore this damn attraction he had for her when she was openly teasing him like this. All afternoon he'd told himself to keep his distance from Stephanie. She was bad for him and he couldn't let himself get pulled in yet here he was unable to draw his eyes away while he should be making a run for it and getting away from her as far as possible. What he felt was impossible and wrong and it totally didn't make any sense. Yet he knew while Stephanie was here, within a hundred feet of him, he wasn't going anywhere. And judging by the way his heart was pounding in his chest, nor were these inexplicable feelings he had suddenly developed for her.

Sighing softly, Paul looked away just as Stephanie emerged from the refrigerator. He didn't dare even glance in her direction in case she could see what was probably written all over his face. He was falling for her and he was completely powerless to stop it.

Sitting on the beach this afternoon, he'd finally let himself admit it. All the barbed comments, the needling, the getting under her skin, they had all been for one reason and one reason only. They had been his lame attempt at denying how he felt about her or at least he had tried to deny it. But there was no doubt about it. There had been something there from the moment she had walked out the shadows and into his life. It had been a purely physical attraction but there had been something else too. Something he had been able to push aside with the knowledge Stephanie was cold and driven by his father's money and not her heart.

Of course all that had changed the second he had found out about her mother. Now it was like the floodgates had opened and all these emotions were rushing at him fast and furious. Stephanie's sacrifice for her mother had touched him but more than that it had cut him open and somehow she was creeping into his heart. God help him, he couldn't let her in. He had to find some way to shut her out and leaving the day after tomorrow would be a good start. In the meantime, he'd just have to try and find a way to keep his distance. He had to stay away from her.

His mouth set in determination, Paul pushed himself off the counter. He had only taken a couple of steps when the familiar icy tone stopped him in his tracks.

"Paul."

He swallowed hard and lifted his head to see a pair of hard, expressionless eyes staring back at him.

"Dad." he replied simply.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came_

There was a brief moment of silence as the two men appraised one another, the air thick with the unspoken tension that existed between them. As his brown eyes scanned his father's face, Paul noticed how old he looked since the last time he had seen him exactly one year ago. His well groomed hair was almost completely silver and dark shadows encompassed his grey wrinkled orbs. He looked tired too. Being sixty and still the main partner in a large, successful law firm was obviously beginning to take its toll on his father physically. Mentally, he knew it was an entirely different ball game. This man thrived on the stress and the pressure of the business. In fact, he relished it. He was determined and calculated and prepared to do whatever it took to win. The court room was like one giant battlefield to him and his career meant absolutely everything. Unfortunately his success hadn't come without its sacrifices though; his family being the main victim.

So it wasn't any great surprise that this man felt like a stranger to him. Even before his mother's death, he and his father didn't have a close relationship. They never really had done especially when he had left for college. He had very seldom seen him when he visited home and on the rare weekend that he did, their words were strained and scarce. There was nothing that bonded them to one another; no hobbies or shared interest in sports; not even their blood.

Paul suspected that being another man's child was the major reason why they were so far apart. Sure, this man had raised him. He'd fed him, put him through college and provided for him no questions asked. Financially, he had been everything a father could be to a son. Emotionally though, it was a totally different story. This man was cold and distant and even resentful towards the child who constantly reminded him of wife's betrayal. It was a betrayal that had cost both his wife and him dearly over the years.

Yet in spite of that, in spite of everything her husband had put her through, his mother had died still loving him with everything inside her. In some strange weird way, he also knew that his father had loved her too. It was a love he could never fathom yet a love that brought him back here year after year searching for the one thing he needed to get on with his life and move on. But he could never move on. He could never finally put his ghosts to rest not when his father denied him what he was searching for every single time. His understanding and if he was lucky, maybe even his forgiveness.

"I must say this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting a visit."

Paul slowly shook his head, his father's words angering him and reminding him that while he was stuck in limbo over his mother's death, her husband had managed to move on. In fact, he had moved on to the point where he was even starting to forget when she had passed. But he couldn't forget. He would never forget.

"It's August. I always come home in August." he said lowly.

He saw the flicker of acknowledgement in his stoic expression.

"Yes, you do. Of course you do."

The old man paused as he toyed with the shirt collar around his neck and glanced around him. His eyes fell on his wife who was standing awkwardly by the refrigerator and he nodded in her direction.

"I assume you and Stephanie have introduced yourselves to one another."

Paul licked his lips as he turned his head slightly, feeling his heart skip a beat as he met those big sparkling blue eyes staring back at him. He could see the tense awkward expression on her face and it looked like he wasn't only one reeling from his father's appearance. Stephanie obviously wasn't expecting her husband back so soon and he had to say she wasn't exactly acting overjoyed at his homecoming. And while he knew this was no normal loving marriage in any sense of the word, he was surprised by how distant they appeared to be. There were no welcoming embraces on either side, not even for appearance's sakes. In fact, not even a hello had passed between them yet. And while he found it strangely intriguing, he was also relieved. It meant he didn't have to witness Stephanie and his father interacting with one another and God knows he was struggling with his emotions right now without throwing that one into the mix.

Raking his fingers through his long blonde hair, Paul reluctantly drew his eyes away from her and back to his father.

"Yeah. We've met."

"Good. Then you won't mind if I leave you alone in her company for a little while longer. I've got a couple of phone calls I need to take care of before dinner."

John then finally turned to his young bride, his lips lifting in the briefest of smiles.

"Stephanie, I'm going to be in my study. Make sure I'm not disturbed, please."

She nodded clasping her fingers together in front of her as she watched her husband leave the kitchen turning briefly in the door to address his son.

"Oh and I hope Elizabeth sent your birthday package to the right address?"

She saw Paul nod as John disappeared into the hallway, her blue eyes watching him thoughtfully as he stared after his father. There was something in his face; something sad and desperate that inevitably tugged at her heart strings especially after witnessing their conversation just now first hand. It appeared that not only was her husband cold and indifferent towards her, he was the exact same way with his son. John really was a heartless son of a bitch. It was no wonder Paul's words had been so harsh whenever he had mentioned him and clearly something had happened between them to make them this way; something that had strained their relationship and torn them apart. But what could make a parent act that way with their child? She knew there was nothing in this world that would stop her mother from loving her yet when John had talked to Paul, she saw no evidence of love in his eyes. In fact, the man could even barely stand to look at him. But in spite of that, in spite of what had happened between them, Paul was here in his home and he was obviously here for a reason.

Sighing softly, Stephanie remembered John's question about a birthday package and tucking her hair behind her ear, she stepped forward and smiled at Paul suddenly wanting to reach out to him. She didn't know why but maybe she just wanted him to know he had an ally in her; an ally that understood about John and an ally that sensed his loneliness and pain over his mother. Everything else between them, well right now it just didn't matter. Not when it meant she wasn't alone and there was someone she could talk to. God knows she hadn't really talked to anyone in so long.

"It's your birthday?" she asked him.

Paul slowly turned his head in her direction. There was a flicker of something in his face but it was gone before she could catch it as he quickly shook his head.

"It was last month."

"Well a belated Happy Birthday to you then."

His lips curved up gently and Stephanie suddenly felt a little breathless.

"Thank you." he replied.

She nodded her head in acknowledgement as she slid her fingers together in an almost nervous movement, her feet bouncing on the spot on the floor almost like she had a rush of energy and she couldn't keep still. "So, do I get to know how old you are?" she asked.

Paul's brown eyes narrowed in her direction lightly twinkling at her. "That all depends. How old do you think I am?"

Stephanie lifted her shoulder in a shrug as she walked to the counter leaning back against it, her lips pressed together tightly as she tried to disguise her smile. "Forty? Forty one maybe?"

She tried not to laugh as Paul scowled at her.

"You've got a damn nerve. I'm only thirty eight."

"Hey, I wasn't that far off the mark." she grinned.

"No but you were far enough. Your answer was practically bordering on offensive."

As his shoulders shook with his light chuckle, Stephanie felt something shift in her chest and her smile faded with the words tumbling out of her mouth before she even realised.

"Funny that. We seem to be in the habit of offending one another."

Paul's expression was soft and contemplative as he looked at her. "Yeah. I guess we are."

Swallowing thickly, Stephanie looked into his brown eyes. That's when she felt it; this weird, unspoken tension that seemed to exist between them. A tension that was dangerous for her and a tension that she had to ignore no matter how badly she wanted Paul to take her into his arms and kiss her right now. God, her heart felt like it was beating right out of her chest.

Feeling her breath catch in her throat, Stephanie blinked rapidly breaking the spell those incredible brown orbs had cast on her. She deliberately tilted her head towards the floor and silently cursed herself for being so weak. What was she thinking? Was she nuts? She had to be if she was thinking of kissing Paul and his father, her husband, was only a matter of feet away. Clearly her lack of intimacy over the years was screwing with her head. Yes. That was it. She was delusional. She had to be if she thought anything could happen between here because it couldn't and it wouldn't. She could be Paul's friend and nothing more. It didn't matter that her knees trembled and her heart melted every time she was near him. It didn't matter that for the first time in forever she suddenly felt alive, her whole body tingling with the attraction she felt for this man.

Letting out a slow breath in an attempt to try and compose herself, Stephanie paused for a beat before slowly lifting her eyes once more. She avoided the chocolate brown pools that sent a rush of heat to her chest and feeling awkward in the silence that hung between them, she licked her lips glancing absently around the kitchen.

"So if it's not your birthday and you visit here the same time every year, can I ask what the special occasion is?"

She swore she felt Paul tense beside her as he stepped away, his hand pushing back his hair. Her brow furrowed as her face crumpled apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I've clearly overstepped the mark asking you that."

She braced herself prepared for his usual harsh comment or sarcastic jibe but she was pleasantly surprised when he sighed softly, lifting his shoulder in a shrug.

"It's okay. If you must know, it's my mom's anniversary. Tomorrow it will nine years exactly since she died."

"God Paul, I'm so sorry." Stephanie said, her heart once more breaking for him as his face flickered with his sadness. Her hand briefly lifted to touch his thick arm but it faltered in mid-air quickly dropping to her side.

"Don't be. It's no big deal."

Paul leant his large forearms on the island in the centre of the floor. His head bowed forward as he clasped his hands together in front of him, his blonde strands hanging over his face, partially hiding it from view.

"I don't know why. I just like to come and visit her, you know. I guess I sort of feel closer to her here if that makes sense."

His head lifted and he saw Stephanie smile at him.

"It makes perfect sense." she said softly and he saw the understanding in her big blue eyes. For a brief moment it was like he had found a kindred spirit in her and he was grateful, probably more grateful than she could ever possibly imagine. It had been a long time since he'd felt any sort of connection with anyone. It was just a pity he had to keep her at arm's length. He couldn't get close. It was the only way to protect his heart. God knows this woman could wreck him which was why he had to leave. After visiting his mother he had to leave and forget all about Stephanie although he feared it wasn't going to be as easy as he wanted it to be, not when he was standing here feeling all these things as she looked at him; things that reminded him that what he felt for Stephanie was very strong and not only that, very terrifyingly real.

Briefly glancing at his hands, Paul absently flicked at his nail before straightening up and taking a step back from the island. He sniffed and smiled at her as he stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. "Anyway, I'll be gone the day after tomorrow. You won't have to put up with me for much longer."

Stephanie's face flickered with an unreadable expression before the corner of her mouth lifted in a playful smirk. "Thank God for small mercies."

Ignoring the pang in his chest, Paul lifted his finger pointing it menacingly in her direction. "Watch it or I might really piss you off and decide to stick around."

Stephanie laughed as she watched him turn and walk out of the kitchen but that laughter faded into a sad smile as she wrapped her arms around herself and looked around the room. Suddenly it seemed cold to her and she knew the reason why. Paul was gone leaving this huge empty space and she knew it would be the same when he was gone for good. The only problem was the empty space she felt wouldn't just be in this house. She had a feeling that emptiness just might also be in her heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_And I can't explain  
Last night I saw the fireworks  
The kind of pain that never hurts  
The one you hate to love is made for you_

Stephanie spotted him straight away. It was his unmistakable blonde hair she recognised first; that and the crazy fluttering in her chest that she seemed to develop whenever he got within fifty feet of her.

Paul was sitting on a sand dune, his thick forearm resting on his bent knee that was drawn to his chest. He was looking out at the ocean and his expression looked soft in the impending sunset with the orange and pink coloured hues emphasising his beautiful face. His long strands blew in the balmy evening breeze and in that moment, Stephanie allowed herself to take him in and admire him. She allowed herself to briefly surrender to the growing feelings she was developing for this man. It was feelings she could no longer control no matter how hard she tried to tell herself that this was wrong and completely impossible. After all, nothing could happen between them. She was married and to his father for goodness sakes. She also had her mother to think about. What she felt in her heart wasn't an option to her despite everything inside her wanting this.

God, Paul had only been in her life for such a short time yet somehow it was probably going to take her a lifetime to get over him.

And as crazy as that sounded, Stephanie knew it was the truth. Never in her life had she felt this way before. It was if Paul had flicked this switch inside her and suddenly she had come alive. All these feelings and emotions that had lain dormant for so long had come rushing at her so fast she was struggling to catch her breath. She was also struggling to make sense of it all but yet she couldn't stay away. She couldn't keep her distance from the man she knew she was falling deeply for. Yet somehow she would have to.

Letting out a slow breath, Stephanie began to cross the beach, the toe of her sneakers kicking at the sand and lightly spraying it in front of her. Her hand lifted to push back her wayward hair from her face as she quietly approached Paul. She was slightly hesitant to disturb him yet unable to leave without at least saying hello. It was only polite after all even although deep down she knew it was only a convenient excuse. The truth was she couldn't stay away and as dangerous as she knew that to be, she couldn't help herself. She needed to be close to Paul. He was quickly becoming a drug she hungrily craved.

Hooking her thumbs awkwardly over the cuffs of her red wool cardigan, Stephanie stopped just in front of him, the rushing waves of the shore disguising the beat of her heart. Paul hadn't noticed her yet and his brown eyes were focused on a group of people just in front of him. It was a family with two young children and ignoring the pang in her chest at the sight of the infants, she cleared her throat to get his attention.

Paul's head turned and his eyes widened, caught by surprise to see her standing there. In that moment she swore she saw his expression soften a little before a faint frown furrowed in his brow and the cocky smirk she had come to know so well crossed his curious face making her knees lightly tremble.

"Are you stalking me or something?"

Stephanie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his comment as her foot kicked at the sand and she took a step closer, pressing her lips together in a sarcastic smile. "In your dreams, Levesque."

"Only every night, baby." he replied, his smirk widening.

As Paul winked at her, she ignored the fluttering in her stomach at the possibility he was flirting with her and she tossed back her head, glaring at him and pretending to completely offended by his remark while inside she felt a rush of heat through her body.

"You know you're disgusting." she said.

"And yet here you are stalking me."

Stephanie narrowed her annoyed blue eyes in his direction. "I thought we already established that I am most definitely not stalking you."

Paul licked his lips raking his hands through his windswept blonde hair as he shifted his foot in the sand. "Then what are you doing here?"

"Well in case it's escaped your notice, this is a public beach. I was taking a walk." she told him matter-of-factly.

"So keep walking."

Stephanie ignored him sitting down on the sand next to him, brushing the tiny grains from her bare legs and Paul rolled his eyes dryly.

"Or sit down, why don't you."

"Well you know what they say, misery loves company." she replied straightening her legs out and flicking her hair over her shoulder.

The faint scent of her perfume carried in the salty breeze and Paul swallowed thickly trying his best not to notice how good she smelled or how her short denim skirt sat high on her thighs revealing the soft milky skin. It was skin he was suddenly desperate to touch and clenching his fingers tightly together in case they betrayed him, he sniffed and reluctantly turned his attention back to the ocean.

"I'm not miserable." he said as he stared ahead unaware that Stephanie was watching him, her hair blowing in the breeze.

"Please. You've got a face like a wet weekend and you're scaring off the kids with that brooding scowl of yours."

Shaking his head in mild amusement at her retort, Paul shifted in the sand, glancing at her. "And what are the chances of it scaring you off?"

"I would say minimal to none."

Stephanie rolled her lips together as she paused and her big blue eyes sparkled back at him, the colour reminding him of the sea and making his throat dry.

"Actually I reckon your bark is worse than your bite." she smirked.

Paul's face flickered with his amusement. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

His brown eyes looked into hers and feeling herself beginning to get lost in them, Stephanie deliberately drew herself away, looking over in the direction of the rocks where the waves crashed angrily against them. Exhaling slowly, she tried to regain her composure as she closed her cardigan over her chest.

"So you missed dinner." she said softly.

"Yeah, well I wasn't hungry."

Stephanie's expression was soft when she finally turned to look at Paul, knowing the real reason for his absence. It was the same reason why she was out here briefly escaping that house and the man inside. The air had felt stifled with him around so the minute her mother had fallen asleep, she'd taken the opportunity to breathe again and to clear her head. It looked like Paul had the same idea but she was a little reluctant to broach the subject of John. She saw how badly his father had affected him plus there was the fact they barely knew one another. In fact, sometimes it seemed like Paul could hardly stand to be in the same room as her but despite that, she wanted to be there for him. She didn't know why but Paul's sadness made her want to reach out to him. But she couldn't show him that, not in the way she wanted to. Things just weren't that way between them. They couldn't be.

Sighing softly, she tucked her brown strands behind her ear.

"Tell the truth. You just didn't want to sample my burnt offerings." she said jokingly and was met with Paul's amused snort.

"You burned dinner?"

She shook her head ignoring the way his grin made her heart melt. "Why did I know you would take great pleasure in that?"

"Well your misfortunes are a constant source of amusement to me."

She pretended to glare back at him as his laughter carried in the wind.

"Anyway your father was less than impressed." she told him as her fingers toyed with the sand beside her.

She immediately noticed Paul's smile fade and downturn into an angry frown, his whole demeanour shifting at the mention of John.

"Let me guess. He snorted in disgust and after making it perfectly clear how disappointed he was with your less than stellar talents in the kitchen, he retired to the study with the explicit instruction that he wasn't to be disturbed."

Stephanie raised her brow in surprise. "Sounds like you've been there before."

"More times than I would even want to mention. My father can be an evil old bastard."

Chewing down on her lip thoughtfully, she decided to take the opportunity now the subject of John was out in the open. Shifting on the sand, she licked her lips tasting the berry taste of her lip gloss.

"I sensed you and John don't exactly get along."

The black glare in his angry brown eyes made her breath catch in her throat as he snapped back at her.

"I don't want to talk about it."

His deep tone matched his menacing build as he stood up from the sand and got to his feet. Stephanie silently cursed herself for bringing the subject up and as she watched his massive frame disappear into the sunset, she smacked the sand in annoyance and let out a loud, surprised scream when she felt the pain.

Biting down on her lip and lifting her palm, she saw the crimson trail of blood trickling towards her wrist.

As she bent closer, inspecting the cut, she felt his presence above her casting her in a dark shadow as Paul momentarily blocked out the sun.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She slowly nodded her head somewhat touched by the obvious concern in his deep tone. "There must have been glass in the sand. I've cut my hand."

"Here, let me take a look."

Paul knelt down in the sand in front of her. As his warm fingers wrapped around her forearm, Stephanie swallowed thickly feeling the delicious tingle at his touch making her forget about the throbbing in her hand. Her eyelashes fluttered as she slowly raised her head and her blue eyes settled on his face, mesmerised by him as he inspected her palm.

"It's pretty nasty but it doesn't look too deep. We'll need to get it cleaned up though. You don't want an infection."

As Paul reached into his pocket with his left hand, he tilted his head in her direction and his brow crinkled with his curiosity as he looked at her through his blonde strands.

"What?" he asked.

Realising she must have made it completely obvious she was staring, Stephanie gave him a smile and quickly looked down before he could see her flushed expression.

"Nothing. You just sound pretty experienced with cuts, that's all." she said as she glanced once more at her palm.

"Well I do know first aid."

Stephanie lifted her head to watch Paul pull a clean white cotton handkerchief from his pocket and raising her brow in surprise, he chuckled in embarrassment, shaking his head.

"My Mom always made me carry one. I guess I just never got out of the habit."

His soft hand took hers in his and Stephanie felt the blood beat in her ears as his finger lightly caressed her knuckles before he slid the handkerchief over them. His hands were so big yet his touch so gentle. She could also smell his cologne and she breathed him in as he took the end of the material and lightly dabbed at the cut, cleaning it and staining the cotton red.

"You're pretty good at this." she said admiringly.

Paul glanced up at her lifting his shoulder in a shrug. "It comes with the job."

"Oh yeah and what kind of job is that?"

As his fingers lightly knotted the two ends together it applied pressure and Stephanie's face flickered with the pain.

"Ouch!"

"I'm sorry. Here. Elevate your hand."

He lifted her hand into a vertical position as he adjusted the handkerchief on her hand, his fingertips lightly tracing her skin and making her catch her breath once more.

"If you must know, I'm a paramedic."

Her blue eyes instantly widened. "Really?"

"Try not to sound so surprised." he chuckled as he knelt back in the sand and Stephanie's skin felt cold as his fingers fell away. She instinctively wrapped her own hand there, trying to seek out his touch while she offered Paul a grateful smile suddenly desperate to find out more about the man who was slowly but surely creeping into her heart.

"So why a paramedic? You always wanted to save lives?"

His smile seemed almost melancholy as he nodded his head. "Something like that."

"So how long have you been doing it?"

"What? Saving lives?"

Stephanie nodded.

"It's been about nine years now."

Just then there was a playful scream from the ocean and briefly turning his head, Paul watched over for a moment before looking back at her and smiling.

"Let's get you back to the house and fixed up."

His tone was surprisingly gentle as he got to his feet and lightly gripping her arm, he helped Stephanie to hers. As she steadied herself, she met those incredible brown eyes and she was absently aware of the sound of the ocean as she looked into them. Suddenly she felt herself falling into them and before she could think, before she was even aware of what she was doing, she reached up and curled her good hand around his face, her heart pounding in her chest as she brushed her lips over his cheek.

"Thank you." she breathed into his ear.

Her lips lingered there for a second reluctant to move away. Her whole body was tingling and every fibre of her being wanted to kiss him right now. She ran her tongue across her bottom lip subconsciously as she imagined what it would feel like. God, Paul was so close. She could feel his warm breath dancing across her skin. All it would take was for her to move just a fraction closer. How she wished she had the courage just to capture his mouth with hers. To not think of the danger and kiss him deeply and show him just how much she cared for him. She couldn't deny it, not any more.

Stephanie's head moved closer, her nose nuzzling against his cheek. Her chest rose and fell with her heavy breathing as she inhaled the clean smell of his hair.

"Stephanie." whispered Paul. His face turned a fraction towards her. His mouth was practically touching hers and for a second she forgot to breathe. Everything around them seemed to disappear as his lips caressed hers so, so softly and she melted into him as Paul began to kiss her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Baby, I'm too lost in you  
Caught in you  
Lost in everything about you  
So deep, I can't sleep  
I can't think  
I just think about the things that you do  
I'm too lost in you_

3 am.

Sighing in frustration, Stephanie reached over and shoved the alarm clock across the nightstand hiding the red luminous digits from her view. She was sick of looking at them. She was sick and tired of tossing and turning and seeing the minutes slowly creep by reminding her that despite the late hour, she just couldn't find sleep. And she was starting to think she never would. Not tonight. Not while her mind was in complete turmoil and her body was still reeling from the aftermath of that kiss.

Her fingers lifting to lightly trace her bottom lip, Stephanie rolled on her back, her blue eyes staring up at the shadows on the ceiling as she thought of him. Paul. He was the man who had awakened her soul and taken her breath away. God, kissing him tonight had been nothing short of incredible. The way his touch made her feel, it was like someone had set her heart alight and its beat danced in her chest every time she remembered it. Paul's mouth had been so soft and warm and inviting and he'd tasted of mint and the salty air of the ocean. His kiss had been so sweet and she had felt it to the very tips of her fingers making her knees weak. It was like nothing she had experienced in her life before. It had been the kind of kiss that she had only ever imagined; the kind of kiss usually found in a fairytale book. Only this kiss had been no fairytale. This kiss had been real. It had been so real that it had it had terrified her and she had pushed Paul away, running across the sand and leaving him standing there alone.

Stephanie bit down on her lip and her hand lightly hitting the mattress, she turned her head on the pillow, glancing in the direction of the open window ignoring the pang of guilt in her chest. She could see the full moon shining in the sky casting the room in a soft white light. The moon had been out when Paul had eventually come home. She had been listening for him. She had heard his slow but steady footsteps as they had passed by her room, the only sound in the still and silent house. Her heart had been pounding in her chest and her stomach had twisted in anxious knots as part of her hoped he would come to her. Only he never did and those footsteps had disappeared down the hallway. And while inside her voice had cried his name, outside her lips had remained firmly pressed together unable to trust herself not to call out to him. How could she when every part of her wanted him so much and wanting Paul was wrong. It was dangerous and stupid and she had been crazy for even letting her emotions get the better of her tonight.

Yet despite that, despite everything, something had felt so right. Kissing Paul made sense in some weird and wonderful way. It was like she was meant to kiss him although of course that wasn't true. In fact it was as far from the truth as she could get but if that was the case, why couldn't she stop thinking about it? Why couldn't she get Paul out of her head and why was she lying here wanting desperately to go to him?

As a low groan slipped from her mouth, Stephanie lifted her hand and pushed back her hair from her forehead. She stared for a brief moment at the ceiling before she suddenly shot up in bed and felt her skin lightly prickle in the cool breeze. Even it was taunting her, the salty air reminding her of the ocean and ultimately of Paul. God knows everything always came back to him. She just couldn't help herself. He was all she could see. He was all she could think about. Paul undid her in ways she just couldn't begin to explain and she wasn't sure she could fight it. Not any more. Not when every part of her needed him so much and that need was quickly overriding everything else including all the reasons why this couldn't happen. But those reasons were fading quickly into the background the more and more she thought of Paul. Knowing he was just down the hallway alone was killing her and she just couldn't stay away from him. Not any more.

Throwing back the covers, Stephanie swung her legs over the bed and absently rubbing her bare arms, she quickly crossed the room before she lost her nerve. God knows, it had taken her this long to find the courage.

Reaching for the door handle, Stephanie swore her fingers were lightly trembling as she stepped out into the darkness of the long hallway. The door lightly clicked shut behind her as she began to tiptoe towards Paul's room nervously tucking her hair behind her left ear. Her heart was beating wildly in anticipation as she tentatively approached his door. Even her mouth was dry as her knuckles lifted to gently tap against the wood but they hovered in mid air as the courage she had boldly found a moment ago was slowly beginning to slip away leaving her absolutely petrified.

Dropping her hand to her side, Stephanie swallowed hard and briefly glanced at the floor. She let out a shaky breath as she tried to fathom what the hell she was doing here. After all, this was madness and it wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't like being with Paul would wave a magic wand and all her problems would be solved. She would still be married to his father for God sakes. And then there was the most important thing in her life, her mother. God, she couldn't lose her. Her health and her well-being overrode everything else in her life including her own personal needs and even her heart. Sure, she was lonely but that was a small price to pay to keep the only family she had left in this world. Coming here had been a huge mistake. Quite clearly, she had been caught in a moment of weakness; either that or temporary insanity.

Allowing a fleeting glance at the door once more, Stephanie spun on her heel. She let out a light gasp and her heart leapt to her throat when she made out his bulky frame standing there in the shadowy darkness. Placing her hand to her chest, she exhaled slowly trying her best to catch her breath.

"God, you scared me." she whispered.

"Then I guess that makes us even." Paul replied softly, reminding her of only last night when she had startled him in the kitchen. She had been unable to sleep then too, her mind haunted with thoughts of this man. He had quickly become a habit she couldn't break yet somehow she had to find a way to do just that. Paul was a dangerous habit and a habit with serious consequences and not just for her.

Hugging her arms almost protectively around herself, Stephanie shifted her feet awkwardly on the carpet suddenly desperate for the sanctuary of her room. "Anyway, it's late so…….."

She made a move to leave when Paul stepped out the shadows blocking her path. He was illuminated by the soft moonlight that filtered through the sky light and Stephanie swallowed thickly as her blue eyes met the smooth skin of his chest allowing her mind to briefly ponder if it was as firm and soft as she imagined it to be. Her spine tingled with her desire as she breathed him in.

"How's the hand?"

His tone was concerned and she slowly lifted her eyes as she felt his fingers reach for her right wrist, the simple touch sending her into a tail spin as her arms unwrapped, the left one falling to her side.

"It's…..it's good. Better." she told him, her throat suddenly feeling thick as their eyes met and Paul's fingertips lightly caressed her knuckles outlining the dressing she'd hastily placed around her palm earlier. But the dressing was the last thing on her mind as she stood there, the blood beating in her ears and her knees lightly trembling as Paul brought her palm to his mouth and brushed his lips over it. Feeling her resolve weaken, she whispered his name in protest.

"Paul."

Her sad blue eyes searched his, looking for an understanding. Surely Paul had to realise this was a huge mistake. This couldn't happen no matter how badly they wanted it to. And anyway, shouldn't he be pissed at her instead of standing here making her feel this way? She'd run off tonight. He'd kissed her and she'd run off without a single word or an explanation. He should be angry with her not standing there with that look on his face telling her he was going to probably kiss her again. And he was going to kiss her. She could see it and she could feel it too and God help her, she wanted it.

Her mouth slightly parted, Stephanie watched Paul's face move closer, her body crippled with her raging battle between her desire for this man and her overwhelming fear at what she felt in her heart every single time she was near him.

"You're so beautiful." he hushed.

She slowly closed her eyes as she inhaled slowly, the sincerity in his words working their way into her as his hand moved to cup her face and instinctively, she let her head lean into him.

"Steph, what's happening here? What's going on between us?"

Stephanie's eyes fluttered open as Paul's words made her realise that whatever this thing was that was pulling her in, he was obviously feeling it between them too but God, that didn't make it any easier. If anything, it only made it more complicated and more terrifyingly real.

"I….I don't know." she replied, her voice barely a whisper.

"But you feel it, right? I mean, I'm not imagining this."

She saw the confusion in the shadows of his handsome face and she slowly shook her head against his palm, pressing her lips together, feeling the hot tears burn in her throat.

"Good because all I can think about is kissing you again."

Stephanie felt the panic twist her stomach into knots as she lifted her head, her big eyes staring and pleading with Paul.

"We can't." she said weakly.

"Why?" Paul asked, his face hovering dangerously close to her, close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face drawing her in, enticing her.

"You know why." she breathed unconvincingly as she gazed back at him, her body completely still and her eyes entranced by his deep brown orbs. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest as Paul's thumb trailed along her jaw seeking out her bottom lip and lightly tracing the soft, wet flesh, in turn making her lose any ounce of fight she had left.

Stephanie's head instinctively turned to her left, her lips covering over the digit and pulling it into her wet mouth, her tongue circled around it tasting the sweetness of his soft skin. She could feel Paul's other hand slide around her waist as he growled lowly, making her giddy and her mind was heady with her desire as she brushed her lips over the pad of his thumb before slowly releasing it. Her eyelids were heavy as they sought out his once more and the sound of his deep breathing echoed in the thick silence between them as he slowly backed her against the wall, his hand pulling her closer to him and the heat of his skin penetrating the flimsy material of her silk nightgown.

"You know there's not a moment goes by where I don't think about kissing you or touching you." admitted Paul as his thick fingers moved to her hair, lightly brushing through the soft strands.

Stephanie swallowed thickly wondering if he could feel her heart right now as it pounded madly, beating right out of her chest. She could feel him, his fingers on her back burning her skin and his bare chest pressing against her, tempting her. Licking her lips, she gave the only response she could muster.

"Then kiss me." she breathed.

Closing her eyes, she felt his big hand curl around her neck and his fingers threaded through her hair as Paul lowered his head and covered her mouth with his warm and passionate kiss. In that moment, the world stopped and her heart raced as his tongue slid into her open mouth brushing over her tongue. The familiar taste of him made her knees tremble with longing and Stephanie moaned softly, her lips parting further allowing Paul to deepen the kiss, his tongue expertly sweeping over her mouth causing her to feel every sensation to the tips of her toes. Her stomach pooled with her desire as she slid her hands over his back, feeling the soft heat of his skin and pressing him to her unable to get him close enough. She wanted Paul so much. She needed him. She was beginning to need him like the very air she breathed and God, he felt so good.

Her hand roaming lower, Stephanie's fingers dipped into the waistband of his track pants. Her mind was dizzy and the heat of his skin enticed her fingers to travel lower. His body was so firm and smooth and her throat felt dry as Paul's mouth moved and gently nipped and sucked on her neck. His tongue flicked out tasting her as his hand pushed up the bottom hem of her nightdress, his fingers lightly pressing on her skin. Her legs parted slightly, the heels on her bare feet lightly bumping against the wall as Paul pushed her up a little higher.

"Steph!" he breathed into ear.

Paul's mouth had just captured hers once more when he suddenly froze, his brown eyes wide with alarm.

"Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"The voice. Down the hall."

Stephanie turned her head in that direction and her face crumpled with her guilt as she heard her mother's frail voice call her name.

"Shit. I'd better go to her."

Paul nodded as he stepped back and watched Stephanie quickly fix herself, adjusting the thin strap of her nightgown as she scurried off into the darkness, his brown eyes following her even after she was long gone and the door had clicked shut behind her. His big arms hung by his side suddenly feeling cold and empty and he wondered how the hell he was supposed to walk away in a couple of days. But more that that, how the hell was he supposed to forget the women who had surprisingly and unexpectedly crept in and stolen his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past_

He saw her the second he stepped out into the hallway and just like that, he felt his slow dissolve. All his earlier promises, the silent resolutions he'd made to himself while lying awake in the darkness were starting to crumble away as he took in the beauty standing a few feet from him.

Stephanie hadn't noticed him yet as she fussed with the small bottle in the palm of her hand. Her chestnuts strands were piled into a messy ponytail on the top of her head revealing her slender neck to him and it was a neck he'd sought out hungrily in the moonlight, his mouth nipping and sucking at her tender skin. God, he could still taste her now. She had been so sweet like the ripest of peaches mixed in with the faint lingering trace of her vanilla perfume. She had been completely intoxicating to him and so much so he had been ready to give in to the temptation he'd been trying to fight since the moment he saw her. The words had been on the tip of his tongue to invite Stephanie to his room when he'd heard her mother calling out to her.

And while he had been disappointed not to mention more than frustrated, he had also felt relieved. Relieved that he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life and there was no doubt in his mind that sleeping with Stephanie would be a huge mistake. God knows there was very little chance he was going to walk away from her unscathed as it was and he just couldn't afford to get too close. He couldn't afford to let himself get lost in her; lost so completely he wasn't sure he could ever pull himself back. He was already teetering on the brink and he was balancing dangerously between his sanity and his feelings for this woman; the woman that had opened his heart and the woman he had quickly become addicted to.

Sighing softly, Paul allowed his brown eyes to linger on her for a second longer before he turned away. He had only taken a couple of steps when Stephanie's soft voice stopped him in her tracks and his heart skipped a beat, betraying him.

"Hey you."

Licking his lips, Paul paused for a second taking the time to control his composure and trying to find the resolve he needed to get through this. He had no choice. He had to distance himself from Stephanie. It was the only way he could protect himself and it was the only chance he had of leaving this place without her and keeping his heart still intact.

Shifting around to eventually face her, Paul offered her a tight smile and stuffing his hands in his jean pockets, he deliberately avoided the unbelievable blue eyes that sparkled back at him.

"Hey."

A silence fell between them and he glanced briefly at the polished floor, his blonde strands gently falling over his face as he felt Stephanie move in front of him.

"So, I was just checking in on Mom." Stephanie explained watching Paul as her stomach twisted in tiny anxious knots. All morning she'd dreaded this conversation, the horrible tense awkwardness she knew there would be between them, the awkwardness she could feel between them now. She just couldn't believe she'd let him kiss her again. But God, she'd wanted it last night. She'd wanted him. She'd wanted Paul with everything inside her and even standing here, she felt that familiar longing burning in her gut, the longing that reminded her how desperate she was to touch him and taste him one more time. Paul was just so beautiful and he had felt incredible last night; so incredible that her body was still aching for him. It had been so long since anyone had touched her so intimately. She'd felt wanted and desired and so wonderfully alive for the first time in her life.

"How's she doing?"

Paul's deep tone lifted Stephanie from her haze and her cheeks lightly flushing with heat, she quickly smiled trying her best to disguise how badly he affected her.

"She's much better, thanks. She's sleeping now."

As he nodded, she was suddenly overcome with the urgent need to explain herself. She didn't know why. Maybe she just didn't want Paul thinking she had used her Mom as an excuse. For some reason it was important to her that he knew she had wanted the kiss and that he knew she had wanted him despite all the risks involved in being with him. And honestly, she definitely didn't regret what had happened between them. After all, how could she regret something that had been in the back of mind and something she had probably wanted since the moment Paul had walked into her life.

Still, that didn't mean she wasn't feeling incredibly guilty or selfish. Every time she thought of her mother it burned a hole in her stomach. Risking her agreement with John was stupid and dangerous but she just couldn't switch these feelings off. She couldn't stop this gravitational pull towards Paul no matter how hard she tried. It was becoming increasingly tempting just to give into this internal battle inside her especially knowing he would be leaving her soon. God, she felt sick even thinking about it, imagining this place without him. Paul had brought a brief respite to her extremely lonely existence and her life would seem cold and empty with him gone and without question, she knew the same would be true of her heart.

Shifting her feet underneath her, Stephanie bit down on her lip, the left corner of her mouth lifting shyly as she tucked a wayward strand behind her ear.

"I guess I owe you an apology."

Paul's brow crinkled with his confusion. "You do?" he asked.

She nodded as she hooked her fingers in the cuff of her sweater. "You know, last night with my Mom. It's just when I heard her calling me, well I had to go to her and…..."

Paul quickly interrupted her, curtly nodding his head. "Of course. It's okay. I understand. And hey, it was probably for the best, right? I mean you are the old man's wife. Well, on paper anyway."

He slowly allowed his brown eyes to seek out hers and he instantly regretted it the second he saw the flicker in Stephanie's expression. She seemed almost taken aback by his words, hurt even and he looked away once more, feeling the knot of guilt in his chest. It was killing him knowing he had upset her but what could he do? This was the way it had to be for his sake and hers. He knew the score with her mother. He understood the sacrifice she had made. Nothing could happen here and surely Stephanie knew that. Surely she could see this was a hopeless situation and a situation where they were only headed for disaster.

"Paul."

His body tensed at the sound of his father's voice behind him. Turning his head, he saw him descend the grand staircase, his thin hand adjusting his tie behind the lapels of his pin striped waistcoat. He couldn't believe the tie was red. Fucking red on today of all days! The man really was an insensitive bastard.

His top lip curling in an angry snarl, Paul shifted his feet and watched his father slowly approach them. He nodded his acknowledgment to Stephanie before he turned to his son.

"Will you be joining us for breakfast?"

Paul's jaw was rigid as he slowly shook his head, his blonde strands shifting across the shoulders of his black dress shirt.

"I'm going to the cemetery to see Mom."

His father's face was expressionless as he briefly nodded. "I see."

"It's her anniversary today."

John's grey eyes were stern as they stared back at him. "I'm well aware what day it is today."

Paul's face wore an unfathomable expression as he stared back at the man who had raised him.

Stephanie's blue eyes were concerned as she stood there, just watching him. She also couldn't help but feel a little guilty about their earlier conversation. She hadn't even remembered about his Mom and she knew today had to be difficult for him. She had sensed his pain the couple of times he'd briefly mentioned her and it was a pain she knew all too well. While she hadn't lost her Mom, she'd watched her suffer and that suffering was completely devastating for her. It would have been devastating for Paul too and she wanted to show him she understood and offer her support.

But after his words this morning, she wasn't so sure he wanted it. Paul's glib comment obviously meant he regretted what had happened between them and he had been completely stand-offish. He had hardly been able to even look her in the eye.

But if she couldn't be there for him, someone else could be. Someone that had suffered the same loss and someone that could maybe offer his son some comfort.

Turning to her husband, Stephanie licked her lips and forced a smile.

"So John, are you going to the cemetery too because I have to go into town later and I could have picked up some flowers."

Her blue eyes widened in surprise when he shook his head.

"That won't be necessary." He paused for a second and his grey eyes seemed almost hateful as they stared back at Paul. "I don't have to visit a graveside to remember my late wife."

"I remember Mom."

"I'm sure you do. I'm also sure you remember the reason she was buried in the first place." said John.

Stephanie could only watched in stunned confusion as Paul's handsome face crumpled and she saw the sad devastation in his deep brown pools.

"You're out of line." he replied. "Mom had cancer. She was dying."

"Maybe but she died a hell of a sooner than she was meant to, all thanks to you."

As John's accusation hung between them, Stephanie's heart broke as she looked to Paul who stood there completely motionless and his face utterly distraught.

"I knew it." he said softly. "I knew after all this time you still blamed me."

"Of course I blame you." John spat back venomously. "If it wasn't for you, she might have had a few weeks longer, months even."

"That's not true." cried Paul, shaking his head.

"Isn't it? The doctor had given her at least another month."

"She was in pain, Dad. She couldn't breathe." he pleaded.

"And yet, you still moved her. You still put her in that car."

Paul's thick voice wavered as he clenched his fingers together. "I was trying to save her!"

"Save her? You fucking damn well killed her!"

John's words seemed to echo in the ornate hallway and Stephanie swore she saw Paul's bottom lip tremble before his jaw clenched and he took a step back.

"I don't have to listen to this."

John's thin frame was menacing as he closed the short distance between them, his steely eyes narrowed in his direction. "Of course you don't because then you'd have to take some actual responsibility for what happened that night. You'd actually have to admit that it was because of you that your mother was killed."

"John, stop it!" screamed Stephanie, unable to take any more.

Her blue eyes glared hatefully at her husband before they turned to look for Paul but the hall was empty. He was gone and a few seconds later the banging door echoed in the silence. Slowly shaking her head, Stephanie felt her anger rush to the surface as she glared at the man who truly was a stranger to her.

"I can't believe you said those things to him."

John's finger waved in her direction. "Stay out of it, Stephanie. It's none of your concern."

Her heart was pounding as he lifted his suit jacket from the knob of the banister and throwing it over the crook of his arm, she watched him pick up the leather briefcase from the bottom of the steps.

"I'll be late home tonight. Don't wait up."

As his slender frame disappeared into the kitchen, her stomach churned anxiously as her mind turned to Paul. Her only thought was to somehow find him and talk to him. God only knows what he was going through right now and while she didn't understand quite what had happened, she knew she couldn't leave him to deal with this alone. She didn't want him being alone. Not today.

Briefing glancing towards the stairs, she knew her mother was in safe hands. The care nurse was with her. She would be okay.

Stephanie grabbed the car keys from the side of the vase and waiting a few seconds longer until she heard her husband leave, she quickly raced through the hall and towards the door to look for Paul.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_Who do you need?_

_Who do you love?_

_When you come undone….._

Paul carefully began to ascend the staircase, his slow and cautious feet seeking out the steps in the darkness. It was late and although he wasn't sure just how late it was exactly, he knew the last thing he wanted to do was wake up the entire household, in particular that asshole he liked to call his father.

Man, this felt just like all those times he used to sneak home during his senior year in high school knowing full well he was way past his curfew. He would tiptoe along the hall, the blood beating in his ears just waiting for his parents to bust him. But it was very rarely they did being their room was at the opposite end of the hallway. Still, he was always careful not to disturb them and it was only once he was safely inside the four walls of his bedroom that he would let his composure drop and stumble drunkenly into bed. After all, good old John Levesque, upstanding citizen of the town, could never live down raising a drunk and disorderly son. God knows, he had his reputation to protect; a reputation that was far more important than the reasons why his son got good and loaded every night. Not that he would actually care why his son was drunk anyway because that would require his father actually giving a crap.

Sighing softly, Paul made his way along the hall, his heavy eyes blinking in the white moonlight thinking that while those memories were a long time ago, tonight he felt like that teenage boy all over again. Here he was still sneaking home and still completely drunk off his ass. Not that he had meant to get drunk but after the first few beers he felt that numbness start to creep in; the numbness he more than welcomed especially today. It was painful enough to think of his Mom never mind remembering how she died and he just couldn't handle that guilt. He couldn't handle the fact that what the old bastard said to him today was right. Although if he was honest, it was nothing he hadn't told himself during the last nine years. It just hurt to hear those words out loud and listen to the accusation that he was to blame for putting his mother in that car that night; that he was to blame for cutting her life even shorter than it should have been.

God, he should have never moved her that night and driven her to the hospital. But when he had heard her struggling for breath, he knew he hadn't been ready to say goodbye. But it was a goodbye that he had been denied anyway; a goodbye had been cruelly snatched away the second that drunk driver had swerved over the corner and hit them head on. His mother had been killed and since that moment, he had never been able to forgive himself.

His father had never forgiven him either yet every year he had fooled himself into coming here thinking that maybe, just maybe, he would. God knows he needed him to because if there was even the remotest chance he could offer forgiveness, maybe then he could start to try and forgive himself. He was so sick and tired of living with this awful guilt that constantly ate away inside him. Unfortunately though, he knew that it was no more than he deserved.

His heart heavy, Paul's hand curled around the brass handle. The bedroom door lightly creaked as he walked into the room and he could feel the cool night air blowing through the open window making his head slightly spin.

"Hey."

He jumped, startled by the sound of her voice and he turned to see Stephanie emerge from the shadows. His lips parted in surprise and he briefly closed his eyes wondering if he was just imagining her there. Maybe his overwhelming need for this woman was causing his mind to play tricks on him. Why else would she be here if only to torture him and haunt his dreams.

But when his eyelids eventually fluttered open, Stephanie was still there and he swallowed thickly, hungrily drinking her in. She looked so beautiful in the soft light of the moon. Her chestnut hair fell softly around her bare shoulders and she wore a black silk nightdress that barely skimmed her thighs. He swallowed thickly and swore she was trying to kill him especially with those big blue eyes staring back at him; big blue eyes that constantly pulled him in rendering him weak and completely helpless.

"I've been waiting for you." she explained softly taking a step closer. "I was worried when you didn't come home."

"Home!" snorted Paul. "That's a joke."

As his big hand lifted to rake through his hair, Stephanie knew by his exaggerated movement that he had been drinking. She could also smell the alcohol that lingered around him and it was little wonder she hadn't been able to find him. Paul had obviously been holed up in some bar all day trying to drink away his sorrows. But it appeared he hadn't succeeded. His brown eyes still wore that haunted expression and his whole demeanour seemed so sad despite his angry retort. It made her arms physically ache to hold him and comfort him but she couldn't. Not now. Not when she couldn't trust herself not to take advantage and use her attempt at comfort as a way of getting close to him.

"Anyway, I'm back. You can leave now."

She felt confused as Paul looked at her almost indifferently before crossing the space to the bed and sitting down. The light creak of the mattress echoed in the silence and Stephanie shook her head, feeling her anger at him bubble to the surface. God knows he constantly sent her in a spin never knowing where she ever was with him.

"Why are you being like this?" she demanded.

"Being like what?" he asked as he kicked his shoes from his feet and they gave a light thud as they hit the thick carpet.

"This! I only wanted to talk to you, check you were alright."

Paul licked his lips and exhaled slowly. "Well I'm fine." he told her, tilting his head in her direction but he soon regretted those actions when he found himself looking into her concerned blue eyes and feeling that familiar tug at his heart. It was a heart that was quickly surrendering to her although really, who was he kidding? It was a heart that had belonged to her the second her lips had touched his, maybe even before that.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes really." he sighed hoping she couldn't see right through him. That Stephanie couldn't see his words were nothing but a front. He wasn't fine; he was anything but fine but he couldn't let Stephanie see that. He couldn't show her any weakness. If he did, he knew he was screwed and any chance of walking away from this would be zero because God knows all he wanted was her. She was like this addiction that he constantly craved; a magic that held him under her spell. He just couldn't risk letting her get close.

"Look Paul, I know what John said upset you earlier but……"

Paul quickly held his hand up silencing her and rose to his feet. "He didn't upset me." he lied.

"No? Then why have you been drinking?"

He stared at Stephanie for a second hearing the concern in her voice but hating it. He didn't want her concern. He didn't want her sympathy. He didn't need it and he sure as hell didn't deserve it either.

"That's none of your goddamn business." he growled lowly.

"Look, I know how hard today must have been for you….."

Paul quickly shook his head. "You don't know. You know nothing."

Stephanie sighed in frustration. "Yes actually I think I do."

Her hand was lightly trembling as it reached out towards him, her fingers touching his large bicep feeling the heat of his skin through the cotton material. "I know you still miss her, Paul. I know it still hurts when you think about her."

She tried not to feel disappointed as he shrugged her away and watched him slowly pace the room in front of her. She had already guessed how difficult it was for Paul to discuss his mother. He was still in such pain over her death and a pain that could have only been cut deeper after his father's hurtful accusations this morning. Accusations that she still didn't understand but she knew enough to know they were completely out of line. Whatever had happened, Paul hadn't killed his mother. John had been horrible and malicious to even suggest that. Paul had to know she knew that and was on his side and more than that, she was here for him.

Tucking her brown strands behind her ear, she took a step forward.

"Paul, what John said to you this morning……"

She swore she felt him tense as he stopped in front of her, his back turned to her. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But he was wrong when he….."

He whipped his head in her direction and the words caught in her throat when she saw his cold, angry stare. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

She shook her head in disbelief suddenly feeling angry at his complete stubbornness and his determination to clam up on her.

"You can't keep bottling this up, you know." she told him placing her hands on her hips.

Paul scowled as she glared at him defiantly wondering where the hell she got off telling him what to do. "And what do you care?" he asked her as he crossed the short distance between them looking down at her.

"Of course I care."

"Why?" he demanded, his brown eyes piercing through her. He swallowed thickly as he saw her face visibly soften in the moonlight and her expression flickered with something he only dared to imagine.

"I think you know why." she hushed.

Her hand slowly lifted to touch his face and he felt his resolve begin to slip away as her fingertips lightly traced his cheek making him tremble inside. God, he was utterly hopeless when it came to this woman and she moved him in ways he just couldn't explain. One simple touch and she completely wrecked him. But this was wrong and dangerous. Stephanie didn't realise she was playing with fire right now. He could easily take what he wanted from her if he didn't think it would kill him in the process. This beautiful angel had turned his whole world on its head and the depths of his feelings for her scared him to death.

Letting out a shaky breath, Paul struggled to keep his composure as he gently covered her hand with his and reluctantly drew it from his face. "I can't keep doing this with you, Steph." he whispered.

Her sad blue eyes batted back at him as his fingertips brushed over hers lingering there for a second before they fell away. He had just pulled his hand back when he felt her lightly grip his fingers and just like that, she was reeling him back in.

"But I don't think I can let you go."

Paul's heart began to melt at her softly spoken admission and he felt his breath catch in his throat as if in slow motion, her pretty face moved towards him.

"I need you, Paul."

Stephanie's desperate words made him crumble inside and as he looked into those incredible blue eyes of hers, he felt himself fall. Any resistance now was completely futile and he could no longer deny what he felt for her in his heart.

"Not as much as I need you." he eventually whispered as his mouth lowered towards hers, his lips pressing down gently as his eyes fluttered shut and he breathed her in. The familiar vanilla scent of her perfume made his knees weak and as he kissed her, his mind slowly began to forget everything as he felt himself get lost. Lost in Stephanie; lost in the way she made him feel.

Suddenly, for now, nothing else mattered. Not his guilt over his mom; not his pain, not her marriage to his father. All that mattered was Stephanie and being with her.

God, he needed her so much. He wanted her so badly. Far too many nights, he'd been alone and he was sick and tired of feeling lonely. For once, he wanted someone at the end of his reach. He wanted to find the comfort he could only find in the refuge of someone's arms and tonight those arms would be Stephanie's. This was exactly where he wanted to be. For some reason, Stephanie just made perfect sense.

Sighing contentedly into her, Paul's hand lifted to thread through her soft strands, his other arm sliding around her waist as his tongue flicked over her bottom lip, seeking entry. A second later, he felt her mouth part slightly and that was all the encouragement he needed to slide his tongue over hers, feeling the heat of Stephanie's body as it pressed firmly against him. She felt amazing as she moved against him tempting him as she grinded her hips slowly into him. It was taking every ounce of self restraint not to lose control.

A low growl emanated from his hot throat and Paul began to back her slowly towards the bed. Her soft whimper drove him wild as his mouth hungrily sought out the column of her throat. Stephanie was tugging at his shirt, her fingers fumbling with his buttons and he felt the cool night air prickle his skin as she pushed the garment from his shoulders, pulling it over his arms.

"Paul."

He briefly lifted his head as his name fell softly from her lips and saw Stephanie throw her head back, arching her body towards him. He had never seen anything more beautiful as she offered herself to him and his brown eyes flickered dark with his desire as his mouth descended on her once more. His lips trailed slowly over her collarbone, his tongue flicking and tasting her skin as his hands skimmed over the contours of her body. The silk material felt soft and cool against skin and he slowly pushed up the bottom hem.

That was when he was left momentarily confused as Stephanie stepped back from his embrace. His lips prickled with the taste of her and his hands reluctantly dropped to his side feeling empty without her.

But that emptiness was only fleeting as he felt her push him back towards the bed, his stomach pooling with his desire as he sat down with a bump. Stephanie stood in front of him watching him with heavy lidded eyes, her chest heaving with her ragged breathing as she lifted her nightdress pulling it over her head.

As the garment fell to the floor, her hair fell in waves over her shoulders and Paul felt breathless as he realised how truly beautiful she was. Her body was just incredible and as she stepped into the white moonlight, he swore his heart almost stopped.

"Come here." he said thickly as his hands slid around her thighs pulling her to him.

The world seemed to disappear as his mouth found hers once more and everything was forgotten as they lost themselves in one another and surrendered to the growing feelings that were consuming their hearts.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_When you are with me  
I'm free, I'm careless  
I believe  
Above all the others  
We'll fly  
This brings tears  
To my eyes  
My sacrifice_

This was where she was meant to be.

There was no longer any doubt in her mind. Lying here in Paul's arms just felt so right and it was a moment she wished she could bottle up and keep forever. It was just so perfect and she wanted to remember every single detail like the clean smell of his hair and the way the blonde strands shone like gold in the morning sunlight. It was so beautiful just like Paul was beautiful; so incredibly beautiful that even the simple act of watching him made her chest flutter.

He really was so perfect in every way. His lips were perfect. His eyes were perfect. Even the way his lashes kissed the tips of his cheeks was perfect.

Unable to stop herself from touching him, Stephanie reached out and pushed back the soft strands that fell across his face, tenderly tucking them behind his right ear. Her hand lingered there for a second as her thumb brushed over his lobe feeling the softness of his skin. His skin, it was so perfect too and her eyelids briefly fluttered as she remembered how hot and slick it had been as her body had rocked desperately against him.

God, last night had been so amazing and Paul had taken her twice before the first signs of dawn had lit up the sky. He really had been everything she could have possibly imagined and so much more besides that. His touch had been assured yet so gentle almost like he was worshipping every inch of her and he knew exactly what she needed from him. It was almost like Paul had a map to her body and soul. She had never experienced anything like it. Then again, she'd never made love to a man before.

And as crazy as that sounded, Stephanie knew it was the truth. What she had shared with Paul went beyond just sex for her. After all, this wasn't just some guy she was physically attracted to. This was the man she had fallen in love with and she had fallen so hard and so fast she was still struggling to catch her breath. But she couldn't deny it anymore. Not to herself and not to Paul either.

Just then, a low moan escaped from his slightly parted lips and Stephanie shyly drew her hand away feeling herself tense as his head shifted against the cream pillow. Glancing at his smooth chest, she realised she didn't want him to wake up because then this would be over. This perfect moment would disappear and she be forced to deal with the horrible awkwardness there would be between them. And it would be awkward especially due to the fact that Paul had been drunk last night.

And God, maybe he wouldn't even remember this. Maybe he would open his eyes and totally freak out to find her lying here next to him. She had to leave while she could. She had to get out of here before he woke up because she wasn't sure she could handle it. She wasn't sure she could take Paul labelling their perfect night as a mistake because it was all she had to hold on to. Paul was leaving tomorrow and after he was gone, their night together would be all she had left and she couldn't let him tarnish that. She couldn't let him tarnish her precious memories.

Her face flickering with her sadness, Stephanie reached for his large bicep and lifting her head, she began to slowly remove his arm. But her breath caught in her throat when she saw Paul's brown eyes were staring back at her causing her heart to flip in her chest.

"Hey."

"Hey." she whispered back, her lips twitching with her shy, hesitant smile as she shifted awkwardly beside him not sure what to say or do right now. She wasn't in the habit of waking up next to someone and certainly not someone who meant as much to her as Paul did. She just wished she could tell he was thinking right now so she would know whether to make a bolt for the door and salvage what shred of dignity she had left.

"So, is this a hit and run toots?"

As he briefly glanced at the arm she still held, she saw the flicker of amusement on his face and slowly her uneasiness began to melt away.

"I guess you've caught onto my sinister plan." she replied letting her fingers drop and feeling his heavy arm fall back around her. She tried not to read into the fact Paul didn't pull away and she swore she felt him pull her just that little bit closer.

"Where were you going?"

Her lips curved up gently as she lifted her shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know. I guess I thought I should probably check on Mom." she lied.

His head shifted against the pillow and he smiled but his smile quickly disappeared as the sunlight fell directly on his face and he grimaced causing his nose to crinkle cutely.

"Shit. It's bright."

Stephanie chuckled as Paul buried his head in the pillow, his blonde hair tickling her cheek as he leant against her shoulder. "Someone is obviously feeling a little hung over this morning."

He lifted his head, his heavy brown eyes scowling at her through his tousled strands.

"And grumpy too." she teased.

"I'm not grumpy and I'm not hung over either. I'm just tired that's all."

Just then Paul rolled onto his back and Stephanie tried not to feel disappointed as his arm slipped away and his big hand pushed back the hair from his face.

"See, some broad kept me awake half the night."

As he turned to her, his brown eyes twinkled and Stephanie couldn't help but smile in return knowing that Paul did remember.

"And you're complaining?" she asked him playfully.

"Oh no." he grinned. "I most definitely am not complaining."

But his grin faded as he shifted onto his side to face her and his facial expression was thoughtful as he lifted his hand to brush through her hair.

"Although now we've aired the subject, I guess this is the part where we should probably talk about it."

"I guess it is." she sighed glancing away.

Paul watched Stephanie bite down on her bottom lip and in that moment he knew she was every bit as anxious as he was probably more so being she was the one with the ring on her finger. Not that he even wanted to think of that. Not right now. But one thing was true. Being with Stephanie had given him some much needed clarity and he knew he could no longer fight these feelings he had for her. They were too powerful and strong to deny and if last night had proved anything, it had been that Stephanie was worth the huge risk to his heart. With the way she made him feel, with the way she completed him, he knew he'd rather have this brief moment of sharing something real than a lifetime of pretence and emptiness inside.

God, it had felt so good to wake up beside her and it made him forget all those lonely nights spent alone; the same lonely nights he'd have to face without her once he was gone. But he wasn't going to even dwell on that. That would be then and this was now and he was going to treasure every second he had left with her. God knows time was precious enough and he wasn't going to waste a single drop.

Curling his hand around her cheek, Paul smiled and his brown eyes were gentle as his thumb lightly traced small circles against her skin.

"Well for the record, you should probably know I have no regrets."

Stephanie's voice cracked with her surprise. "You don't?"

Paul shook his head making the pillow rustle as his brow furrowed in her direction. "But you sound surprised like you expect me to."

"I don't know. I just thought………." She paused, sighing as she pressed her lips together. "Actually I don't know even what I thought. I guess I just expected some weirdness between us now that we've…...well, you know."

"What? Seen each other naked?"

"Paul!" Stephanie scolded, her cheeks flushing with her embarrassment as she heard his amused chuckle.

"What? I'm only telling the truth."

"Yeah well you didn't have to so blunt about it."

Paul's mouth curled into a teasing smirk. "Don't tell me you're getting all shy on me because I certainly don't remember you being this shy last night."

"Yeah, well that was last night."

As Stephanie glanced down at the space between them, Paul was sure that he saw something that resembled regret in her big blue eyes and he tried not to feel disappointed as he took his hand away from her face letting it drop to the covers, glaring at her defensively.

"So what are you saying? We should forget about it? We should pretend last night never happened?" he snapped.

Stephanie instantly lifted her head, her big eyes wide. "No." she told him.

"Well, it damn well sounds that way to me."

She could only watch in stunned silence as Paul threw back the covers from the bed and swung his legs over the side. He sat there with his head bowed and his shoulders rising and falling with his angry breaths.

Stephanie pulled the covers over her chest as she reached for him, her hand resting against his broad back.

"Paul, please don't be like this."

Her plea fell on deaf ears as he said nothing and sat there frozen. Sighing softly, she shuffled closer letting her hand slide down his skin to slip around his waist.

"Look, it's just I don't know what to do in this situation." she explained. "I'm not sure what the rules are and especially with you. I mean this… us….it's just so complicated. But my feelings for you…….. Well they're a lot less complicated. In fact my feelings are actually the easy part."

She paused and sighed as Paul remained silent but felt encouraged to continue when his fingers toyed with hers before his palm curled deliciously over her hand.

"I meant what I said last night, you know. I do care about you probably more than you even realise." she said softly.

There was a beat before Paul tugged on her hand pulling her towards him.

Stephanie crawled over the mattress, the covers tangling between her legs as she knelt behind him resting her chest against his warm back. She wondered if he could feel her heart beating as she leant her chin on his shoulder wrapping her arm around his firm, toned stomach. Holding Paul felt so good and she knew she could do this forever if she had the chance. But still, she was content just to be and enjoy this moment. God knows it would all be over once reality came along and crashed down on them.

Sighing softly, she breathed Paul in feeling his soft strands brush over her cheek as slowly he turned to her. Lifting her head, she met his intense stare and the emotion that danced across his deep brown pools caused her to momentarily lose her breath.

"I care about you too, Steph."

As Paul's hushed words still echoed in her mind, their noses lightly rubbed together and slowly, he began to kiss her. His kiss was soft and sweet and tender but at the same time, it was so moving and intense. It was almost like Paul was reaching for the very bottom of her soul and telling her what he couldn't put into words. And she should know because she couldn't say those words either. Those three words that would only make her sacrifice even harder to bear when she had to deny what was in her heart and say goodbye to her one chance at true happiness. She had no choice. When tomorrow came, it was time for her to try and find the strength to let Paul go.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_And I need you tonight  
I need you right now  
I know deep within my heart  
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right  
I really need you tonight_

Paul tensed the second he walked into the spacious living room and saw his father there. He was standing by the pristine leather sofa holding some papers in his hand and he slowly lifted his head in his direction. The cold, hard expression in those steely grey eyes were enough to tell him that nothing had changed and that he still meant every single word he'd said to him yesterday.

And that was fine. Honestly, he already knew it would be this way which was why he'd made his decision to leave this morning. He sure as hell wasn't sticking around a place where he wasn't wanted and holding out for forgiveness from a man who, quite frankly, would never be capable of forgiving him. His heart was too bitter and twisted towards him. After all, it wasn't just his mother's death that his father resented him for. He also resented him for being another man's flesh and blood; a constant reminder of his wife's betrayal which was the reason why he could never truly accept him as his son.

And that was fine too. After all, he was used to their estranged relationship. His father had never been there for him, at least not in the ways that counted. He'd never listened to him; he'd never talked to him. He'd never shown the least bit of interest in any aspect of his life. Emotionally, he'd shut him off and that had been hard for him to understand until his mother had told him the truth. After that, all the pieces had started to fall into place and he quickly realised nothing would change between them. He had to face the fact his father would never be able to accept him.

"I wasn't expecting to see you this morning." said John.

Paul stared back at him knowing that it was probably more a case of not wanting to see him. In fact, he was pretty sure the old man would be more than happy not to have to lay his eyes on him again. No doubt his impending departure would put a smile on the bastard's face. Then again, he could always wipe it back off by telling him he'd spent all night banging his little wife.

But as an image of Stephanie flashed through his mind, Paul quickly pushed it back out again. Thinking of her wasn't a good idea. Not now. Not when his mind was made up and she only gave him a thousand and one reasons to change it again.

"I bet you weren't." he said lowly. "But don't worry Pops. I'll be out of your hair in a couple of hours."

He turned to leave but her voice stopped in his tracks.

"But I thought you were leaving tomorrow."

Paul felt the breath catch in his throat as he looked up. Stephanie had appeared out of nowhere and those heart-breaking blue eyes were staring back at him making him slightly tremble inside as he remembered everything. He remembered the way she tasted on his lips. He could still feel her body pressed against him and hear his name in her desperate cries. Being with Stephanie had been the single most incredible experience of his life but that couldn't change a thing. If anything, she only helped justify his decision to himself. He had to get out before it was far too late.

"Yeah well I decided to change my flight." he said.

Paul quickly glanced at the floor unable to look at her and unable to witness the way her face crumpled at his words. God, he felt so guilty. He honestly didn't want to hurt her but surely she realised it had to be this way, especially now. Especially after everything they had said – and more importantly didn't say – to one another.

"Stephanie, you seem a little upset."

Her husband's observation shocked her and made Stephanie quickly regain her composure and force a smile on her face. She couldn't let him suspect anything. She couldn't let him see that while his back was turned, she'd fallen head over heels for his son. A son that was now leaving her and suddenly she felt her earlier strength slip away. She didn't want Paul to leave. She wanted him to stay right here and let her hold onto him as long as she possibly could. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not yet.

Pushing back the hard lump in her throat, Stephanie turned to her husband and forced a smile. "I'm not upset. It's just that I can't take Paul to the airport now. Not today, not when Mom's got her chemo." she explained hurriedly.

John looked at her for a second and under his scrutinising gaze, her stomach began to churn anxiously.

"I'm sure Paul understands." he said eventually. "Don't you, Paul?"

Stephanie watched Paul slowly tilt his head in her direction, his brown eyes partially hidden beneath the blonde strands that fell softly over his face yet she could feel it. She could feel the tenderness and the apology in his expression.

"It's not a problem." he said.

Stephanie nodded and was silent while inside she felt like screaming; screaming that his leaving her was a problem and screaming that she didn't want him to go.

"Anyway, I'd better leave or I'll be late for my flight."

John's words lifted her from her haze and Stephanie watched him gather his things placing them in his black leather briefcase. He glanced across at her as he snapped the locks shut.

"Stephanie, I'll be home by Monday. You can call me if you need to."

She nodded and stood there motionless as he put his suit jacket on but inside she was a rush of nervous energy desperate for him to leave them alone. Her blue eyes slowly sought out Paul. He'd moved from the doorway and was standing awkwardly in the corner. Her heart immediately went out to him when she saw his tentative expression as John approached him. He suddenly resembled a lost, little boy; a little boy who was hurting because of the horrible words by a cruel and spiteful man. And John was supposed to be his father. She still couldn't believe what he had said yesterday and she knew without a doubt Paul was still reeling from it. Those unbelievable brown eyes were a tunnel into his soul and they told her everything she needed to know. He was still in pain.

"Goodbye Paul." said John.

There was an almost finality to his words and she saw Paul's face flicker with an unfathomable expression as he crossed his big arms almost defensively over his chest.

"Goodbye."

John briefly nodded and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

Stephanie couldn't help herself. The words were out of her mouth before she knew it, her stomach twisting in little knots as she stared at him.

"So when did you make the decision to leave?" she asked him curtly.

Paul's shoulders rose and fell with his heavy sigh and his arms fell from his chest as his big hand lifted up to brush through his hair. Stephanie watched the strands fall around his face softly as he tugged on the bottom hem of his black t-shirt and when he eventually looked at her his soft face mirrored the expression in his deep brown pools.

"We always knew I was going to leave, Steph." he said softly.

"Yeah but not today. I'm not prepared for today."

"It's for the best."

Stephanie quickly shook her head as she stared at him in disbelief. "Best for who? You? Because you leaving is definitely not what's best for me."

Her blue eyes flashed back at him and Paul sighed softly seeing her determination. She wasn't going to make this easy for him but then again, who was he kidding? This was never going to be easy especially not after what they had shared together. In fact, making love to Stephanie had only cemented what he already knew in his heart. Stephanie could be it for him. She could be his once shot at true happiness in this life and God knows he hadn't found it elsewhere. It was just so fucking ironic that the woman who made him happy was married to his father; the man who was partly responsible for his life being so miserable. Of course, the other person responsible for that misery would be himself but that was his burden to bear; a burden he had lived with constantly during the last nine years.

"I thought you said you had no regrets."

Stephanie's voice snapped him back to the present and he quickly shook his head. "I don't."

"Then why, Paul? Why are you doing this?"

He swallowed hard hearing the waver in her voice and resisting the overwhelming urge to pull her into his arms, he tried to focus and to draw on his earlier resolve. "Because I have to, alright?" he shot back. "I just have to, Steph."

"Why? Why do you have to?"

Pushing back his hair in frustration, Paul began to pace in front of her, his fist clenched by his side. "God, what is it with all these questions? Why can't you just accept I have to go?!"

"Because I don't want to accept it, that's why!"

He stopped on hearing her words and slowly turning to her, he felt her standing so close beside him. So close he could smell her light perfume and feel the heat of her presence next to him.

"I don't want you to go." she hushed, her slender hand reaching for him and resting on his thick bicep.

Paul swallowed thickly as her fingertips burned their imprint on his skin setting his soul alight. His hand slowly lifted to cover hers, his palm resting on her knuckles and his thumb lightly tracing the edge of the gauze dressing that protected her wound; the wound that had somehow led to that first kiss. The kiss that had broken down all the barriers between them and cut him open unlocking his heart. A heart that now belonged with Stephanie.

"I don't want to go either." he admitted softly.

"Then why leave now? Why not stay another day?" she pleaded with him.

Paul rolled his lips together. "Because I can't." he hushed.

His hand lingered on hers for a second longer before he reluctantly stepped away from her, deliberately putting distance between them. It was distance he needed to keep his head. He couldn't afford to let Stephanie in. He had to try and stay strong.

Looking into her breathtaking blue eyes, Paul tried to draw on that strength and ignore the pull towards her.

"Look, I can't keep doing this, Steph." he told her. "I can't keep putting myself out there."

Stephanie's brow crinkled with her confusion as she wrapped her arms around herself. "What do you mean?"

"This. Us." said Paul, his big hand momentarily rubbing at his chin as he stared at her sadly, his brown eyes silently pleading for her to understand.

"Steph, walking away from you is killing me but I have to do it now." he sighed. "I have to walk away now because the reality is I don't have a choice. You know and I know this can't go anywhere. We just can't be together. And I know that's not your fault. It's not mine either but that's just the way it is and we have to deal with it."

Stephanie nodded, blinking back the hot tears that now burned her eyes. Paul was right. She had to let him go. It was nothing she hadn't told herself all morning but hearing it out loud, feeling the fear in her heart at losing him so unexpectedly, suddenly it was all too real. So terrifyingly real she was desperate to cling on to him and hold on to him just as tightly as she could. Because the truth was Paul was the only thing that took away the pain and the loneliness in her life. He had made her realise exactly what she was capable of feeling and she wasn't sure she could go back to her empty existence. She wasn't sure she could survive without him.

Pushing back the hot lump in her throat, Stephanie took a step forward and let out a shaky breath as she felt her bottom lip tremble.

"I'm so scared, Paul. I'm scared I'm never going to see you again and I'm never going to feel in my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."

Her breath hitched in her chest as her emotions overwhelmed her and a solitary tear trickled down her cheek.

"Please stay with me. Just one more night." she begged desperately, her glossy blue eyes searching for his as she held out her hand to him.

She hardly dared to breathe as Paul's fingers slowly moved to curl over hers and his delicious heat worked its way into her as he gently tugged her towards him.

"One more night." he whispered and he pulled her to him, lightly brushing his lips over her temple as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. He could feel Stephanie shaking against him and he closed his eyes, his big hand rubbing his back as he soothed her and tried not to listen to the voices in his head telling him this was a mistake. After all, how could it be a mistake when everything inside him wanted to be with her as long as he could? He just couldn't walk away. Not after she had begged him to stay. And it was only one more night. He could handle that.

But as Paul bent his head and breathed Stephanie in, he felt a shift in his chest and knew he was fooling no one including himself. He couldn't handle it. He really couldn't handle it at all.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_I need you like water  
Like breath, like rain  
I need you like mercy  
From heaven's gate  
There's a freedom in your arms  
That carries me through  
I need you_

Paul's feet lightly squeaked against the clean grey linoleum floor and coffee cup balanced in hand, he slowly made his way back to the hospital waiting area. He briefly smiled in acknowledgment at a nurse who passed him by as he wondered how Linda was faring right now. It had been a little over an hour since they had brought her here and he knew as the minutes crept by, Stephanie was starting to get extremely anxious about her. And he wasn't sure why but he had got her the coffee somehow thinking it might help her and calm her down a bit.

God, she had been so distraught this evening when she'd found Linda. When he'd walked in the room the tears had been spilling down her cheeks and she had looked so small and frightened standing by the bed. That fear was something all too familiar to him being he'd been just as scared when he'd found his own mother and seen her struggling for her breath.

But thankfully Linda's breathing had been fine. It was her temperature that was the concern and straight away he knew they needed to get her here. The risks involved were far too great and fortunately the ambulance had arrived within minutes whisking her and Stephanie away leaving him to follow on behind. Not being here with her was never an option for him, not when he knew how terrifying it was to face all this alone and he had a feeling Stephanie had been completely alone up until now. Because one thing was for certain; his father sure as hell wouldn't have been supporting her or comforting her in any possible way. That man wasn't capable of it and he never had been.

Sighing softly, Paul approached the seated area and gently touching Stephanie's shoulder, he held out the drink to her.

"Here. I thought you could use this."

Her sad blue eyes looked up at him and she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks."

He nodded his head and taking the seat next to her, he watched her cautiously take a sip of the coffee.

"So, any news yet?" he asked her.

Stephanie shook her head. "Not so far."

Her head bowed forward and Paul heard her heavy sigh behind her soft brown strands. He knew the waiting had to be killing her and he just wished he could do something to help. He hated seeing her so upset and every single tear she had shed had felt like a sharp knife in his gut. He just wanted to take care of her and take her fear away. He wanted to try his best to do something to comfort her.

Paul shifted in his chair and let his big hand settle on her left thigh. He gently squeezed it through the denim and his thumb absently began to trail back and forth across her leg.

"Try not to worry, Steph. Your mom is in good hands."

She slowly turned to him, resting her coffee cup on her opposite leg as her hand lifted to tuck her hair behind her ear. Her face was pale and streaked with her dried-in tears and he could see the concern etched in her troubled frown.

"I just……I don't understand what happened." she said. "She was fine when I brought her home this afternoon and then when I saw her tonight and she was burning up like that……"

Stephanie paused pressing her lips together as an image of her mom flashed through her head. Her beautiful face had been as white as a ghost and she had been shivering so violently under the covers. Yet despite the shivering, her skin had felt like it was on fire when she had touched her and she had completely panicked, screaming on Paul not sure what else to do.

Within seconds, he had called the ambulance and he had been so wonderful and calm as he had sat there with her and her mother carefully observing her until the paramedics had got there. Paul really had stopped her from falling apart in that bedroom and now here he was sitting by her side once more somehow holding her together again. Even his presence alone soothed her and he really had been way beyond incredible tonight.

Looking at him gratefully, Stephanie reached for him covering his hand with hers and curling her fingers around him tightly.

"Thank God you were there. I don't know what I would have done without you." she told him.

"Yeah well getting your mom to the hospital was the important thing."

Stephanie's brow crinkled with her confusion. "But what's wrong with her, Paul? What happened to her?"

"She spiked a fever." he sighed.

"But how?"

Paul shifted in his chair and raking his fingers through his hair, he began to explain. "It's her chemo. See, when cancer patients get chemo it not only affects the cancer cells in their body but the normal cells too. Their red blood count goes down making them feel extremely tired and their platelets are low as well, like at a dangerous level, and there is always that risk of bleeding or haemorrhage. Their white blood count also goes way down and there is a real risk of infection there. That's why a high temperature is a real danger for someone like your mom. She can quickly go into septic shock just because of that really low white blood count."

Stephanie gasped and her worried blue eyes frantically scanned his face. "But what can they do? Will she be okay?"

Paul quickly nodded and placing his left hand over their joined fingers, he squeezed them reassuringly once more. "Her temperature should start to drop once the antibiotics get into her system."

Stephanie watched him carefully for a moment and satisfied Paul was telling her the truth, she felt her panic subside and she let out a shaky breath.

"I'm just so scared. She's been through so much already……"

Her voice trailed away as she felt the hot lump well in her throat and biting down on her lip, she tried her best to stop the tears that threatened to fall as she glanced down at their joined hands. The thought of anything happening to her mother terrified her to death. It was bad enough watching her suffer and trying to battle the disease; a disease she was fighting so bravely.

"Hey, try not to worry, okay? Your mom is tough."

Her head tilted upwards and she looked at Paul once more seeing the slight smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"She has to be if she is anything like her daughter."

In spite of herself, her lips curved up gently and she realised she needed this. God, she needed him. "I'm not tough." she told him.

"Well, you seem pretty tough to me."

As Paul's hand moved from her fingers to lightly brush through her loose strands, Stephanie felt herself crumble with his touch as her bottom lip trembled. She briefly closed her eyes blinking back her hot tears. There was just something about this man that stripped her of her defences. Maybe it was that he listened. Maybe it was that for the first time there was someone there to share the burden with her. God knows, she always tried to be strong and brave especially for her mother's sake. But with Paul, she could let it out. She could let him see just how scared she was and she was scared. She was so scared every single minute of every single day.

"Maybe I look tough on the outside." she admitted, looking at him with her big glossy eyes. "Inside, I'm not so good."

His brown eyes were sympathetic as he tenderly brushed her hair back from her shoulder. "I know how that goes." he sighed and his hand fell away.

Stephanie watched him shift back round in his chair not before she saw the flicker of sadness in his face. Of course Paul more than understood what she was going through. He'd been in this exact position himself watching his own mother fade before his eyes. He knew all about the pain and the heartache involved in watching them suffer. He also knew the fear involved and the loneliness in coping with it alone. Only she wasn't alone. At least not tonight and she was so grateful for that. She was more grateful than Paul could ever possibly know.

Placing down her cup of coffee on the small table next to her, Stephanie turned in her seat and her hand reached for his big arm feeling the warmth of his skin underneath his white long sleeved shirt.

"Thank you for staying with me tonight." she offered softly.

Paul's head turned and he smiled. "You're welcome."

"If it wasn't for you I'd probably be going nuts here by myself."

"Yeah well hopefully you'll get to see your mom soon and you can put your mind at rest."

Stephanie nodded as she sat forward, leaning further into him and gently breathing the faint scent of his cologne. Unable to help herself her fingers trailed from his arm and lightly caressed his face, her brow crinkling as she took in his heavy eyes.

"You look tired Paul. You should go home and get some sleep."

He slowly shook his head causing his blonde strands to shift across his massive shoulders. "I'm fine."

"No you're not and honestly, you don't have to stay with me."

Paul was silent for a few seconds and Stephanie swallowed thickly when his brown eyes eventually looked deeply into hers.

"Maybe I want to."

The tenderness in his words moved her and she felt the shift in her chest as Paul lifted his hand from her thigh and slipped his huge arm around her shoulder. She felt him gently coax her in his direction and Stephanie let her head drop against him as she shifted in the chair and nestled into the crook of his neck. His gentle heat soothed her as she breathed him in once more and realised this was exactly what she needed. Just being here with Paul, in his arms, it gave her strength. It helped her keep faith that everything was going to be okay. And it would be okay. It just had to be.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Under your spell again,  
I can't say no to you,  
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand,  
I can't say no to you,  
Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly,  
Now I can't let go of this dream,  
I can't breathe but I feel..._

Paul's footsteps slowed in the hallway as he turned towards her bedroom. The door was open just a crack and the light poked through, illuminating the dark shadows of nightfall with its soft glow. Stephanie was still up and moving around inside. He could hear a light banging of a closet door and he tried not to picture her state of undress knowing she'd gotten out of the shower only a matter of moments ago.

And that wasn't because he had been creepily keeping tabs since they'd gotten back. He'd just wanted to check on her before he went to bed. It had been a long day for her. Tough too and he knew despite her brave front, her worry over Linda had taken its toll. Stephanie was physically and emotionally exhausted. She'd practically been sleeping at her mother's bedside tonight which is why he had insisted she came back here to get some rest. She needed a break and there was nothing she could have done at the hospital anyway. Linda was fast asleep and according to the doctors, the antibiotics were finally starting to fight the infection. She was far from out of the woods though and she would be in hospital for at least the next four to five days. But overall the prognosis was positive; well as positive as it could be under the circumstances.

Sighing softly, Paul lifted his hand and his knuckles gently rapped on the wood.

"Just come in."

Pushing open the door, he saw Stephanie sitting on the corner of the bed. He swallowed thickly as he took in her attire of nothing more than a white fluffy bath towel around her torso. And her long legs, the legs that he could still feel wrapped around him, were crossed over one another as she brushed through the ends of her wet hair. Quite simply, the woman was breathtakingly beautiful and if he didn't know better, he'd swear she was trying to torture him right now especially remembering the night they had shared together not even twenty four hours ago.

Deliberately drawing his eyes away from her exposed, smooth flesh, Paul raked his fingers through his hair forcing his attention on her face and pushing last night from his mind.

"Hey."

"Hey." she smiled back.

"So I was on my way to bed and I just wanted to check you were okay."

Stephanie nodded as she placed the brush down on the bed and let out a drawn out sigh. "I'm fine. I'm just not sure I'll sleep much, that's all."

The mattress dipped underneath her as Paul sat down next to her on the bed. She could feel the heat of his presence and she briefly closed her eyes and let herself breathe him in. Paul really had been there for her today in so many ways and she was so grateful. His presence alone had stopped her from completely falling apart. It had been so nice to have someone there beside her; someone she could share her worries and her fears with. God knows it was so hard always trying to cope alone. Sometimes you needed someone to lean on and today, she had leaned on Paul. Not only that, he understood exactly what she was going through and it meant so much to her to have someone to talk to and comfort her.

"You're still worried about your mom, aren't you?"

She could hear the concern in his deep voice and letting out a shaky breath, she opened her eyes to meet Paul's gentle stare and slowly nodded.

"I can't help it." she admitted. "God knows she been through so much already. I'm just not sure how much more she can take."

Her voice wavered and biting down on her bottom lip, Stephanie quickly glanced at the carpet and blinked back her tears. She didn't want to get upset but she couldn't help it. Not when every time she thought about her mother, she remembered the anguish and the obvious discomfort she had been in. And it wasn't just today. Her mom had suffered so much and been so brave for so long. She'd been battling this disease the last few years with everything she had but how much fight did she have left? Her body was weak. It was even too weak to naturally fight off infection and that was the reason why she was now lying in that hospital bed. Any hope she had that the new treatment was working was slowly starting to slip away.

Sniffing back her sorrow, Stephanie felt Paul's warm fingers reach for her and curl around her hand that rested on her thigh. She immediately placed her other hand on top sandwiching him there and drawing comfort from his touch.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked tentatively.

"Sure."

Stephanie slowly lifted her head and asked the question that had been burning in the back of her mind ever since she had remembered their conversation on the landing that day.

"How did you cope when your mom told you she was stopping the chemo?"

She saw Paul's face flicker with surprise before he quickly dropped his head and she grimaced silently cursing herself for her own stupidity.

"I'm sorry. It's personal. I shouldn't have asked."

He slowly shook his head and he looked back up, his brown eyes peering through the blonde strands that fell softly over his face.

"It's okay. Honestly. It's just…….I guess I'm just not in the habit of being asked about her, that's all."

Stephanie nodded and Paul's soft sigh was the only sound between them as she watched him patiently. His big hand lifted to scratch at his beard and his other one stayed on her lap as he shifted slightly, turning to her. His facial expression was thoughtful but held a hint of sadness as he pushed a lock of hair from his eye.

"It's funny what you remember." he began. "I mean, in a situation like that you think you could recall every word that was said or you would know exactly what you were feeling at the time your whole world fell apart. But I don't really remember any of that at all. I don't remember my mom's exact words or if I even cried when she told me she was stopping her treatment."

Paul paused and licked his lips, his brown eyes flickering with the memories as he looked just past her to stare ahead.

"What I do remember was that it was a Saturday. I'd not even arrived at the house five minutes when my mom said she had something to tell me. I knew straight away it was something serious. She had that look. You know that look that parents get when they have something to tell you but they wish they didn't have to? It's like they still want to protect you from every bad thing in this world because no matter how old you get you'll always be their baby, their little boy."

Stephanie nodded, not quite sure he was looking for an answer but giving him one anyway as she squeezed his hand reassuringly and waited for him to continue.

"Anyway that was the look she had when she took my hand in hers. I can remember thinking her hand felt so cold, like ice. My mom's hands were never cold but they were that day and she looked so tired, like she was beaten and I guess really, that was true. She was beaten and she was tired; she was so tired of fighting a disease that bit by bit was taking everything away from her."

Paul's shoulders rose and fell with his sad sigh and he shifted his head slightly, his dark eyes strongly intense as they looked at Stephanie once more.

"Well, Mom was determined it wasn't going to take her dignity or her spirit and she wasn't going to waste the time she had left drugged and hooked up to some machine. And I understood that, I did. I really did but I just remember feeling so angry with her afterwards. I mean she was giving up." he said, his voice lifting slightly with his emotion.

"My mom was giving up and she was leaving me. I wasn't enough to make her want to fight any more. I wasn't a good enough reason to make her hold on just that little bit longer so we could have more time together."

He lightly shook his head and glanced downwards at the space between them, his shoulders slumping with the heaviness of his heart. When he eventually spoke, his voice was hushed and thick with his sadness.

"And I know how selfish that sounds but I was just so scared. I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to think about my life without her because my mom was my whole world. Without her, I've got nothing. I've got nobody.

Paul's heartbreaking words brought hot tears to Stephanie's eyes as she heard her own crippling fears voiced out loud. Her mother was her whole world too and the thought of waking up one morning and her not being there absolutely terrified her. Her mom was all she had. She was all she had ever had. How on earth was she ever meant to find the strength to let go? How could she ever contemplate her life without her?

A soft whimper escaped from her lips as a solitary tear trickled down her cheek and Paul lifted his head, his brown eyes widening with alarm when he saw her distress.

"Steph, I'm sorry." he said reaching for her and wiping her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I didn't mean to upset you."

He was concerned as he scanned her face and Stephanie sniffed, forcing a smile to reassure him as his hand lingered against her cheek. She instinctively leant into him, needing his touch, needing him.

"I'm okay. It's just………well, that's exactly how it is for me, you know."

She paused and let out a shaky breath.

"How you felt about your mom, I feel that too. I don't want to lose her, Paul. God knows she's all I've got left. Without her, I'm all alone." she cried.

She gave a light hiccup as she gulped back a sob. Paul's thick fingers tangled in her damp strands as he rested his forehead against hers and she felt his warm breath dance across her skin enticing her.

"You're not alone. At least not right now."

Stephanie swallowed hard pushing back the lump in her throat as his hushed words hung between them. She already found herself getting lost in him. Her overwhelming desire for this man made her forget everything else and as selfish as it sounded, she needed that. She needed him.

"Stay with me." she whispered as her hand lifted from his to curl around his face and pull him closer.

Stephanie sighed into him as their mouths met, softly brushing over one another at first before Paul tilted his head and began kissing her more insistently. Her heart began to race as she kissed him back, her hand moving and threading through his hair as their tongues slid together. The strands felt like the softest silk between her fingertips as she clutched at them tightly pressing his head closer to her, unable to ever have him close enough. She wanted to feel every inch of his kiss. She wanted to taste every part of him and commit it to memory because memories were all she would have left after tonight.

But all thoughts of Paul leaving her quickly disappeared as his hand slowly crept up her thigh, gently squeezing her flesh as it pushed up the bottom of the towel.

Tingles shot down Stephanie's spine as he brushed back the strands of her hair and began assaulting her neck with his wet open-mouthed kisses making her mind dizzy as she struggled to breathe. Paul was gently lowering her towards the centre of the bed and his massive body shifted above her as he roughly tugged the towel from her body, the mattress creaking underneath his weight as he tossed it to the floor. His long blonde strands hung over his face yet still she felt his remarkable brown eyes watching her, penetrating her, making her weak. Stephanie swallowed thickly as she hungrily drank him in. Paul's broad chest was cast in shadows from the soft glow of the bedside lamp and his black track pants hung low on his waist. The muscles rippled in his chiselled abdomen. Her tongue flicked out to lick her dry lips. God, he was absolutely beautiful and she wanted him more than she had ever wanted any man in her life. Stephanie felt waves of desire coarse through her veins as his legs brushed against hers before gently nudging them apart. Her body ached for him as she spread them even further, his massive frame lowering over her. She felt the bubbles of nervous anticipation building in the pit of her stomach as their eyes connected for the briefest of moments. She felt herself falling into the dark pools that smouldered with his longing and desire showing her that Paul wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him.

He captured her mouth once more causing the ends of his hair to lightly tickle her cheekbone letting her smell the fresh scent of his shampoo. Her fingers reached up to into the silky strands eagerly returning his kiss. His skin felt like fire pressed against hers as their laboured breathing filled the silence. Her entire body throbbed as his touch burned her skin, making her tremble. 

"Paul." she whispered. 

Stephanie's stomach pooled with her desire as her fingernails scraped against his skin, roughly pushing down the waistband of his track pants. Paul seemed to sense her urgency as he kissed her hard, their tongues seeking one another. His skin felt so firm against her hands as they skimmed over his ass. She sucked on his bottom lip as she guided the cotton material of his pants down his long, hard thighs. Her hands slid over his hips pulling him towards her as his piercing brown eyes watched her and her breath caught in her sticky throat as he whispered her name so softly she almost missed it. His fingertips lightly swept her hair across her forehead and she pressed her lips together feeling overcome by the tenderness in that one moment. The brief moment that gave her a tiny shred of hope that maybe Paul did have some sort of feelings for her. Feelings that meant her love for him wasn't completely hopeless because God, did she love him. There was no point in even trying to deny it any longer.

"I need you so much." he hushed.

Paul kissed her once more and Stephanie closed her eyes tightly letting her body succumb to him as she lost herself completely in him. This was their goodbye and she was going to feel every single second.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_How do you find the words to say  
To say goodbye  
If your heart don't have the heart to say  
To say goodbye_

Stephanie sat by the hospital bed as her mother slept. Her facial expression was gentle as she brushed back the short coarse strands of hair from Linda's forehead. Her skin felt cool despite the thin layer of perspiration there which by all accounts was a good sign according to the doctors. The fever had broken and her temperature was slowly dropping. Still, they were monitoring her very closely being her mother was still at high risk for infection.

And she realised just how dangerous that risk was when the nurse had stopped her from bringing in the bunch of yellow roses she had bought her on the drive over here. She had also been warned not to sneeze or cough around her either just in case. It had highlighted just how fragile her mother's condition was. Yet despite that, somehow she was still finding the strength to fight this thing. She wasn't giving in to the disease that had taken so much from her. Yes, it had taken her body. It had taken her independence. But it hadn't taken her beauty or even her spirit. And it was a spirit that was determined and strong but for how much longer? How much pain and suffering did her mother have to endure before it was enough for her?

That was a question she had been asking herself more and more lately. And while it terrified her to death, she also knew it was something she had to consider especially after speaking to Paul last night.

God, Paul.

Sighing softly, Stephanie licked her lips and glanced at the round faced clock on the sterile white wall. It was just after four in the afternoon which meant Paul was long gone. His flight had left at ten thirty this morning to take him back home. It was a home she knew nothing about except that it was place where she didn't belong and a place where he had this whole other life without her. A life she could never be a part of no matter how much she wanted to be.

And knowing that broke her heart in two. She was in love with Paul. There was a connection with him and a closeness that she had never felt with anyone else. He understood her. He got her in ways she couldn't explain. Quite simply, he was the one. He was her one real chance at true happiness but she couldn't take that chance. It's why she couldn't watch him leave. She couldn't face saying goodbye to the one man who had quickly become so many things to her. That's why she had left the safety and warmth of his arms this morning. That's why she had left him sleeping in her bed and she had snuck out of the house before he could wake and notice she was gone.

And while she hated herself for it, she knew she just didn't have a choice. If she had stuck around, she would never have been able to trust herself. Not when she knew she would have begged him to stay yet again. She couldn't do that to Paul and she couldn't do it to herself. Hanging onto him just wasn't doing her heart any favours. But neither was being without him.

God, it had been so hard to leave him this morning. Waking up in his arms, she had felt complete and for a brief moment, she had allowed herself to forget everything and just cherish the feeling of being with him. There was the way his skin felt so soft and warm and the way her body almost seemed to fit perfectly into his as they lay spooned together. And the way Paul had been holding her had felt like this big, safe cocoon; a safe cocoon where nothing could touch her. Nothing could get to her. With him, she was unbreakable.

Lying there, she had even tried to imagine what it would be like with him. She knew Paul would love her and take care of her but more than that he would protect her. He would be there to catch her when she started to fall. He would hold her together when she felt like she was coming apart. She knew all these things because that's exactly what he had done when her mother had gotten sick yesterday. He had held her tight and he had soothed her and he had reassured her. More than that, he had loved her. And she truly believed Paul did love her especially after last night.

It wasn't that he had said anything. He didn't have to, not when those unbelievable brown eyes of his were the tunnel to his soul and expressed his every emotion. And last night they had bared his soul to her as Paul had looked deeply into her as he rocked against her. The expression they held had been so gentle and filled with such tenderness that it had made her lose her breath. Then there was the way he had made love to her and the desperate way he had held her afterwards. She couldn't mistake those emotions for anything else. Not when his actions were an exact mirror of her own feelings for Paul. Feelings that completely overwhelmed her every time she thought of him. But now he was gone leaving this huge empty void in her heart and she was going to have to find a way to deal with that. She was going to have to find a way to live without him.

Stephanie sighed once more feeling her sadness encompass her and decided she had to try and not think about him. Thinking of Paul only reminded her of what she had lost and how lonely she would be now he was gone. But she had been lonely before. She had survived then. She would survive now too, somehow, someway.

Just then her mother mumbled incoherently in her sleep drawing Stephanie's attention back to her. Her big blue eyes gazed down at her pale face fondly as her fingertips traced the sharp bone of her cheek. She rolled her lips together thoughtfully. This beautiful woman here was her priority. She had to try and focus on her and nothing else. She couldn't dwell on the sadness she felt or the emptiness inside now she was alone without Paul. God, alone. Unfortunately that was the story of her life and probably for the rest of it too.

Lightly shaking her head, Stephanie silently cursed herself. She had to get herself out of this funk. Feeling sorry for herself wasn't helping anyone least of all herself. After all, she knew the score the second she got involved with Paul. She knew it could never go anywhere and she knew he was always leaving her in the end. There was no point in wallowing over it or dwelling on what had happened. She was a big girl. It was time to get over it. It was time to get those priorities straight and concentrate on getting her mom better. The doctors said she could wake up any time soon. She needed to be strong for her when she did.

Shifting in her chair, Stephanie glanced once more at the clock as she felt her stomach rumble. It reminded her that she hadn't eaten all day but then again she hadn't had much of an appetite. But maybe she would grab some coffee. It was probably all she could stomach anyway.

Rising to her feet, Stephanie pushed back her hair and bent over, pressing her lips to her mother's forehead.

"I'll be back in a little while." she whispered as she lifted her purse and silently crossed the room being careful to hold the door as she closed it over behind her.

She was instantly hit with a fresh wave of disinfectant as a couple of nurses passed by her briefly smiling at her as they continued down the corridor. She nodded in acknowledgment as she slid the leather strap of her purse onto her shoulder and slowly began to walk in the direction of the cafeteria.

She had only gone a matter of feet when she saw him walking in her direction. Her footsteps immediately stopped and she stood frozen to the spot, her breath hitched in her throat and her heart racing so fast in her chest.

"Paul." she whispered softly.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_You're the hope that moves me  
To courage again  
You're the love that rescues me  
When the cold winds, rage  
And it's so amazing  
'cause that's just how you are  
And I can't turn back now  
'cause you've brought me too far_

Paul hadn't noticed her yet. His head was slightly bowed as he walked along the hospital corridor, his soft blonde strands tucked beneath a black baseball cap. He was wearing a matching black t-shirt and cargo pants and in that moment Stephanie swore she had never seen anything so beautiful in her life. In fact, it almost felt like she was dreaming right now; like this was all too good to be true and Paul was some apparition her mind had made up out of desperation.

She honestly couldn't believe he was actually here. Paul was supposed to have gotten on a plane. He was supposed to be hundreds of miles from here yet there he was only a matter of feet away and almost close enough to touch. And God, did she want to touch him. Her arms were physically aching to hold him and feel the gentle heat of his embrace and seek the comfort and reassurance she always found there. With Paul, she always felt so strong and pretty damn invincible.

Just then Paul lifted his head and his brown eyes flickered with recognition when he looked to see her standing just in front of him. Stephanie felt his intense stare work its way into her and she swallowed thickly, feeling slightly overwhelmed as her lips twitched with her slow smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked surprised.

Those brown eyes seemed to soften and sparkle under the rim of his cap as Paul took a step closer, lifting his shoulder in a casual shrug.

"You know I've been asking myself the same thing since I got off the plane."

Stephanie's blue eyes widened in disbelief as her fingers lifted to adjust the leather strap of her bag on her shoulder. "You got off the plane?"

He nodded his head, chuckling lightly. "The air stewardess was far from impressed by the way."

"I can imagine."

"She also threatened to sue me for emotional distress."

Stephanie snorted lightly as she let out a giggle. "She did? Why? What did you do?"

"Let's just say I may have raised my voice a little when she was refusing to let me off five minutes from take off. But I just knew I had to get out of there. I couldn't stay on that flight."

She felt her heart start to pound once more as a hundred and one questions started to rush through her head. Why couldn't Paul stay on that plane? What had stopped him from leaving and why was he here now?

And as Paul reached for her arm gently guiding her to the side, Stephanie liked to think she knew the answers to those questions. But she didn't want to trust what she felt deep in her heart. Honestly, it was more than she dared to believe and it only gave her false hope anyway that they had a future together. God knows, there were a million and one reasons why Paul shouldn't be here. Reasons that she was quickly beginning to forget especially when all she could think about was how much she loved this man and how much she needed him. He was quickly becoming to mean everything to her.

"Of course all morning I tried to tell myself leaving was for the best."

Stephanie bit down on her lip and slowly lifted her eyes to look at Paul. His handsome face wore a sombre and thoughtful expression as his thick fingers sought out hers lightly gripping her fingertips.

"I knew staying here was a bad idea for both of us." he continued. "And I'd managed to convince myself I was doing completely the right thing until I got on that plane and that was when I realised I couldn't go through with it."

He paused as his brown eyes scanned her face and his fingers slid through hers making her body tingle with the sensation of his delicious warmth.

"I couldn't leave you, Steph." he admitted.

She swallowed, stunned and couldn't stop the grin that slowly spread across her face.

"You don't know how glad I am to hear that." she told him just as the tannoy crackled above them and shifting her feet, she licked her lips and briefly glanced around her as a nurse charged past catching her attention. It made her remember where she was and she quickly realised this wasn't exactly the ideal place to hold a private conversation and they should probably get out of here.

"Listen, I was just about to get some coffee. Maybe you could join me?" she asked shyly as she tucked her brown strands behind her ear.

"Sure." nodded Paul.

Moments later they were in the quiet hospital cafeteria sitting at a table in the faraway corner. Paul was directly across from her and he was watching carefully as Stephanie stirred the sugar into her coffee.

"So, how is your Mom?"

"Better." she smiled. "Her temperature has dropped a little."

"That's good." said Paul as he lifted his mug and took a sip of his drink. His brow was furrowed thoughtfully as he placed the coffee down and threaded his two fingers through the white ceramic handle.

"You do know she's one of the reasons why I couldn't go."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes in his direction, curious as she sat back in her seat.

Paul sighed softly. "I remember what it felt like trying to cope with Mom's illness alone and I didn't want you to go through that. Not when you didn't have to."

She smiled back at him gratefully as the blood beat in her ears and the words were out of her mouth before she realised she had asked the question.

"And the other reasons for staying?"

Those incredible brown eyes of his flickered with his emotions and Stephanie struggled to catch her breath as he leant forward on his forearms and shifted closer to her.

"Do you really have to ask?"

Stephanie felt her heart melt as he covered her hand with his, lightly squeezing it as it rested on the wooden table top. She thought how beautiful his tanned skin looked and how perfectly his palm fit over her knuckles. In fact, everything about him just seemed to fit almost like they were made for each other.

"You know I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to tell myself that I'm not falling for you but the more I deny it, the more I know it to be true." said Paul. "I mean, I wake up thinking about you and when I fall asleep your face is the last thing I see. My heart feels like it's about to burst every time I'm near you."

Paul paused pressing his lips together and when he looked at her, there was no mistaking the feelings shining in his deep brown pools.

"I think I love you, Steph. In fact I know I do."

Stephanie felt her blue eyes gloss over with her tears as she pushed back the lump in her hot throat, her lips trembling with her smile. "I love you too." she whispered.

"But I think we both know it's not as simple as just loving one another."

She nodded and sighed sadly as a tear escaped over her lashes and trickled down her cheek. She didn't try to disguise it as she thought of those million and one reasons why this was so complicated. There was John, the money and more importantly, there was her mother. She was the woman who was her life and who meant the whole world to her. But was it a world she could survive in without Paul? This morning, she thought so. Now, she just wasn't so sure; not when the thought of being without him killed her inside. But if that killed her, the thought of losing her mother killed her even more because if she lost her mother, she lost her for good and that wasn't a risk she was prepared to take. John had made it perfectly clear that loving another man came with severe consequences for her and her mom. And those consequences would be even more severe once he knew Paul was the man she loved. But if that was the case, why couldn't she let go of him? Why couldn't she just get up and walk away from this? Did she honestly think she could find a way out of this mess when the cards were stacked so highly against them?

Sniffing back her tears, Stephanie slowly shook her head as her big blue eyes stared back at Paul.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked him.

"I don't know. I just know that I want to be here with you."

"I want you here too."

Paul's lips curved up gently. "Then that's all that matters. The rest, we'll take one day at a time, one hurdle at a time, okay?"

Stephanie rolled her lips together before letting out a shaky breath. "Okay." she agreed.

"Things will work out, Steph. We'll find a way."

As Paul squeezed her hand once more, Stephanie tried to draw on his strength and trust that he was right. She had to trust that they would find a way to be together because the alternative to that just didn't bear thinking about. She loved Paul and she needed him. She didn't want to be without him. She just couldn't be.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_I can't believe a month ago  
I was alone, I didn't know you  
I hadn't seen or heard your name  
And even now, I'm so amazed  
It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain_

"Paul? Can you…….?"

Her voice fell away as Stephanie grimaced and she mouthed her silent apology to Paul who was sitting on the stool talking on his cell phone. His deep laughter at the conversation made her knees lightly tremble and when he smiled softly to acknowledge her presence, she felt that all too familiar fluttering in her chest. It really was just incredible how every little thing about him affected her so deeply. Honestly, she had to have been in serious denial to even think she could have ignored what was happening between them; either that or completely nuts.

Smiling to herself at that thought, Stephanie tucked her brown strands behind her ear as she opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out the small first aid box in the corner. She needed to replace the dressing on her hand after noticing how grubby the other one was while sitting in the hospital and eventually she had torn it off when they got back home. And although she felt a little guilty for leaving her mom alone so early in the evening, she knew there had been no point in staying by her bedside. Not when she was fast asleep with very little chance of waking up before morning. And the doctors had promised to call if there was any change in her condition so really she had no reason to worry. The trouble was though she was in the habit of worrying about her mother and it was hard to switch it off. But tonight, she was going to make the effort. Tonight she was just going to cut loose and enjoy spending some time with Paul.

Selecting a long, thick band aid from the box, Stephanie closed it over and that was when she felt the dressing being tugged from her fingers. She looked up and smiled at Paul who was now holding it.

"Sorry about earlier. I didn't realise you were on a call."

"It's cool. It was just work." he replied as he tore the protective backing off the dressing and reached for her hand. His fingers were lovely and warm as he turned it over inspecting the cut on the palm before placing the band aid carefully over her injury. "I was calling them to let them know I was taking an extra few days vacation."

Stephanie nodded thinking how nice it was to have him take care of her as she watched him press ever so gently down on the corners. "Were they were okay with that?"

"Oh I would say so."

She glanced up to see Paul smiling at her as he loosely clasped her fingers in his, his thumb lightly running over her knuckles.

"See, my boss has been riding my ass for weeks about taking some time off. Apparently I need the break."

"Well you know what they say. All work and no play can make Paul a very dull boy."

The corner of his mouth curved into a slow smirk and Stephanie felt her chest go weak.

"Is that so?"

"Uh huh."

"In that case, maybe you should come and play with me."

She let out a delighted giggle as Paul tugged her hard against him. She could feel his firm heat tightly pressed against her as his big hand swept back her hair from her shoulder and his mouth dropped to the creamy skin of her neck. Her smile faded into a satisfied gasp as he began placing wet open mouthed kisses along the slender column of her throat. Her whole body was a mass of delicious tingles as she succumbed and melted into his touch. God, this man undid her in so many ways it had terrified her at first until she realised the reason why. Quite simply, she was head over heels in love with him and she felt that love all the way to the tips of her fingers, making her come alive.

Stephanie's hand lifted to thread through the strands of his soft blonde hair when they were suddenly interrupted by a loud rumbling sound in the silent kitchen.

"Someone's hungry."

She felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she realised the noise had come from her own empty stomach. Paul's brown eyes twinkled back at her as he lifted his head to smile at her. She felt the skin on her neck still prickling with his kisses and she silently cursed herself. Talk about killing a perfect moment.

"When's the last time you ate?" he asked her.

"I'm not sure." she replied as her hand fell away to rest on his hip.

"Steph!"

"I know, I know but it's just been a little crazy that's all what with Mom and everything." she explained and she swallowed thickly as his hand lifted to brush back the hair from her forehead. His concerned brown eyes were watching her carefully and she was touched by how worried he seemed to be. She wasn't used to anyone caring about her like this and she found she liked it. In fact, she liked it a lot and this was something she knew she could quickly get used to and quite happily for the rest of her life.

"Yeah well you not eating won't help anyone now will it?" scolded Paul as he narrowed his eyes in her direction, his lips pressing and rolling together as he stared at her.

He looked so serious and Stephanie felt her lips twitch with her amusement feeling like a child who was being berated after wrongly stepping out of line. "Okay… Dad." she teased.

"Oh I'm not the one who is the parent around here, honey or should I say step-parent."

Her blue eyes widened at the reminder of their situation and a silence fell between them as Paul cleared his throat awkwardly and took a step back, raking his fingers through his hair.

"That wasn't really funny, was it?" he grimaced.

Stephanie quickly shook her head as her nose crinkled up. "I would say not especially considering our recent activities."

She watched his face wince as he licked his lips.

"In that case, how about we agree not to mention it again." suggested Paul.

"Agreed." she nodded.

"Good. So let's go."

"Go where?" asked Stephanie curiously as Paul tugged on her hand and led her through the kitchen.

"You'll find out when we get there."

She rolled her eyes at his cryptic reply but had to bite down on her bottom lip to disguise her smile as she followed him out of the house and to the car.

A few hours later she was sitting on the hood of her silver convertible admiring the full moon that shone brightly and the scattering of stars that seemed to wink at her from the black night sky. It was such a peaceful spot that the only sound was the whispering of the trees in the balmy evening breeze as it blew softly against the rich green leaves.

"It's so beautiful up here." sighed Stephanie as she took a sip from her bottle of beer and turned to Paul who was sitting to her left. He looked so handsome in the pale moonlight with his long blonde strands tucked behind his ears and the ends falling softly over his shoulders. All night she'd been admiring him, unable to take her eyes off him and not quite able to believe that he was really here. And not only that, he wanted to be with her despite the odds. And although she and odds had never really gotten along, with Paul she felt like anything was possible. He gave her hope. He helped her believe that they would find a way to be together. And after tonight, that was what she wanted more than anything; to be with him.

God, it had been so nice just spending time with him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed herself like this or been treated so well. Paul had bought her dinner at a restaurant. He'd treated her to ice cream on the pier and held her hand as they took a walk. And when he'd suggested taking a drive instead of going home, she'd jumped at the opportunity not wanting the night to end. Being away from everything else and just being alone with him, she could forget the truth of their situation and just pretend that nothing else mattered. Tonight it was just them. They were Paul and Stephanie; just two people in love.

"What are you smiling about?"

Paul's voice lifted her out of her haze and lightly shaking her head, she shifted on the hood, moving a little closer to him.

"Oh, nothing really. I was just wondering how you found this place, that's all."

Paul's brown eyes seemed to sparkle even more vibrantly at her as he smiled back at her through the shadows.

"I used to come here when I was in high school."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah but it's not what you're thinking." he said, playfully nudging her with his shoulder.

Stephanie lifted her brow curiously as she tucked a wayward strand behind her ear. "And how do you know what I was thinking?"

"It's written all over your pretty face. You think I came here just to make out with girls."

"And did you?" she asked as she watched him take a mouthful of his beer.

As he swallowed, the corner of his mouth lifted and she felt her chest flutter at his cocky smirk.

"Can I plead the fifth?"

"Get out of here." she chuckled, playfully shoving his shoulder.

Her deep laughter carried in the wind and Paul's facial expression softened as he watched her, thinking that in that moment, he had never seen her looking so beautiful and so carefree. It was a sight that warmed his heart. The last couple of days had been tough on Stephanie what with her mother's illness and then of course there was her internal battle with her conscious.

See, he wasn't stupid. He knew Stephanie felt a tremendous amount of guilt over the whole situation with his father and the money he provided for her mother's treatment. And he understood that guilt. In fact, it was the mainly reason why he had tried to leave today. He knew how torn up Stephanie was about the whole thing and he hated seeing her so conflicted. God knows she had enough to cope with without dealing with that.

Still, he couldn't stay away. He couldn't leave the one woman who had touched his soul so deeply he knew he couldn't just walk away from her. He loved Stephanie. He loved her so much he was prepared to risk it all and find some way to work this out. There just had to be some sort of solution to all of this because facing the alternative just didn't bear thinking about. Living without Stephanie wasn't an option for him. Not any more.

So that left him with no other choice. He had to find a way to fix this mess – but it wasn't going to be tonight. Tonight had been close to perfect and he wasn't going to spoil it. Not for him and especially not for Stephanie. God knows she deserved some time to just enjoy herself and he was going to make sure that she did exactly that.

"But you know it's a pity."

Paul's brow crinkled with curiosity. "What is?"

"Well I'm starting to think that the reason you brought me to this place isn't the reason I was hoping for."

"It's not?"

"Nope."

Paul's brown eyes flickered with his desire as Stephanie's hand curled over his thigh and travelled slowly upwards as she watched him intently, her ocean blue pools pulling him in.

"So what exactly were you hoping for?" he asked.

"Well I was hoping I could come over there……"

Stephanie placed down her bottle of beer and she shifted over the hood. In one quick movement she had straddled him and a slow smile traced Paul's lips as her slender arms lifted to wrap around his neck. Her perfume was intoxicating and he breathed her in deeply as she tilted her head to his ear.

"And I could kiss you." she whispered softly.

Her lips brushed over his lobe and Paul's big hands cupped her ass pulling her closer to him as Stephanie's mouth trailed over his jaw and captured his own mouth in a kiss. Her hot tongue traced his lips and he parted them open inviting her in. As they explored and tasted one another, his right hand skimmed up over her back, reaching into her hair and loosely clutching the soft brown strands as he kissed her passionately. Yet there was nothing urgent in his embrace. He kissed her slowly and deeply like they had all the time in the world and Paul liked to believe they did. Because right here and right now, no-one else existed. Nothing else mattered except for Stephanie. She was the woman he loved. She was the beat of his heart and it was a heart that had only come alive the second he found her. It was like it had been waiting for her all this time and now that he had her, he sure as hell wasn't letting her go.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_Don't be afraid when you're falling apart  
Don't hesitate I'll be right where you are  
Open your eyes there's a crack in the dark_

……_..Baby, baby let me hold you tight_

"I was hoping I'd find you here."

Paul turned his head at the sound of Stephanie's voice and his brown eyes went wide with surprise to see her standing at the entrance to the kitchen. He could also feel his heart beating just that little bit faster in his chest; the usual reaction to her simply being close by. Then there was the slight breathlessness every time she flashed that amazing smile his way.

Stephanie was smiling now and he could feel the hitch in his throat as she walked towards him. Of course it didn't help his rising heart rate that she was wearing a tiny white vest top that only accentuated her curves and a denim skirt that barely skimmed the tops of her thighs. Christ, the woman had an incredible body and it was a body that he had happily reacquainted himself with most of last night and again this morning. Even then, it hadn't been enough. And it never would be enough; not where Stephanie was concerned.

Raking his long fingers through his blonde hair, Paul let himself admire her for a second longer before his lips curved up into a slow, gentle smile. "Hey. I wasn't expecting you back so early."

He breathed in the faint scent of her perfume as Stephanie stopped in front of him and slid her slender arms around his neck.

"Yeah well maybe I was just missing you too much." she replied as her lips immediately sought out his and she kissed him, moaning softly into his mouth as she tasted the hint of mint on his breath. Paul's arms slid around her waist, his hands resting against her back. His kiss was warm and soft and sweet and exactly what she needed. Ever since she'd left the hospital, she'd thought about this, dying to hold Paul, desperate to see him and be with him. Just knowing he was around gave her something to look forward to and her world suddenly seemed a much brighter place despite everything else that was happening around her.

As they slowly broke apart, Stephanie felt her wet mouth prickle with his kiss and her arms remained loosely wrapped around Paul's neck as her fingers began to toy with the ends of his hair.

"You know as much as I'd like to think you did miss me, maybe you need to just admit the truth." he said as his big hand slowly rubbed over the base of her spine.

His brown eyes were twinkling almost mischievously at her and Stephanie's nose crinkled with her curiosity.

"What truth?" she asked.

"You're only home because your mom kicked you out her room, didn't she?"

Stephanie had to disguise her smile as she bit down on her bottom lip. Paul obviously knew her too well already and knew there was no way she would leave her mom so soon; not while there was a chance she still needed her. But her mom had been pretty adamant. In fact, her tired blue eyes had even faintly flickered with her familiar spark as she told her to go home and get some rest. It seemed that even sick in hospital, her mother still managed to worry about her wellbeing. It was a habit that they both developed over the years especially considering it had always been just the two of them looking out for one another. They'd always been together. That's why it probably felt a little strange even being in this house without her around. Thankfully though, her condition was gradually improving and she might get to come home in a few days. But what would her mom think if she knew her daughter had no intention of carrying out her instructions and resting tonight and in fact intended to spend every waking second with this man standing in front of her. Somehow, knowing her mother's desire for her only daughter's happiness, she knew she would no doubt approve.

Licking her lips, Stephanie's mouth twitched with her smile.

"Okay she did kick me out but how the hell did you know?"

Paul's lips curved into a knowing smirk. "Call it a hunch."

"Yeah well hunch or not, I was telling the truth before."

Her face visibly softened as her left hand lifted to tenderly tuck a few blonde strands behind his ear.

"I did miss you."

"You did, huh?"

Stephanie nodded seriously as her hand moved to gently rest against his arm, feeling the firm, warm skin through the cotton material of his white long sleeved t-shirt.

"I had to go and fetch my own coffee and everything at the hospital today. It was brutal."

As Paul's brow furrowed with his playful scowl, she giggled as she felt his finger poke against her ribs and she squirmed in his big, powerful arms.

"And to think I was going to suggest I take you out somewhere. Now, I don't think I'll even bother."

Stephanie's blue eyes went wide. "You're going to take me out?"

Paul lifted his shoulder in a casual shrug. "I was; "was" being the operative word here.

"And where were you going to take me?"

He quickly shook his head. "There's no point in telling you because it doesn't matter now."

He watched as Stephanie tilted her head to the side and her breathtaking ocean blue pools widened as they stared up at him, pleading with him. Trying his best to look serious and totally unaffected by her, he pressed his lips together and shook his head.

"And don't give me the eyes. They're not going to work."

Her bottom lip protruded in a pout and her hand curled around his neck as she moved closer, whispering in his ear.

"Please?"

Paul swallowed thickly as she brushed her lips against his cheek.

"Sorry. No."

"Please?" she whispered once more, this time against his mouth as she dropped a kiss there.

"Come on. Do you honestly think……."

His words were cut off by Stephanie as she kissed him once more, this time a little more slowly and a little more insistently, batting her eyelashes at him as she broke away.

Paul narrowed his eyes pretending to look stern. "I know what you're trying to do here and I'm not going to fall for it." he warned.

But this time when Stephanie kissed him, her tongue teased his lips open and as she briefly explored his mouth, Paul felt his stomach pool with desire and his resolve crumbled as she sucked on his bottom lip.

"Screw going anywhere." he mumbled as he pulled her against him.

A surprised gasp passed Stephanie's lips as she felt Paul lift her up and spin her round. And that gasp quickly turned into a sharp intake of breath as she felt the chill of the kitchen table as Paul laid her down on top of it. She felt her skin prickle against the cold of the wood but that cold was soon forgotten as he kissed the curve of her throat pushing up the bottom hem of her top. His beard lightly scratched her skin as his mouth descended lower, snaking a path between her breasts and her stomach. Stephanie tilted her head down and her heavy lidded eyes watched him kiss her. His blond hair had spilled over her body and her fingers reached down to tangle in the silky soft strands. They felt deliciously cool and a stark contrast to the fire she felt coursing through her as her body responded to his touch.

God, Paul was like nothing she had ever experienced before. No-one had ever elicited such intense and powerful feelings inside of her. It was like all her desire and every bit of her overwhelming love for this man had awoken her soul and she had finally come alive.

And it was everything about him that got to her. It was the way he held her. It was the way he kissed her. It was even the way he looked at her with those incredible brown eyes; eyes that were a shade lighter with the softness of his love but almost black with his intensity and his desire for her. And it was a desire that left no doubt as to how much he wanted or needed her. God knows, she needed Paul every bit as much, if not more. Her body craved every touch and every kiss he had to offer and right now, those kisses of his were driving her insane.

Feeling her breath catch in the back of her hot throat as Paul's fingers slid under her skirt, Stephanie swallowed thickly and closing her eyes, she let her body succumb to his touch……

Stephanie began to stir from her sleep. She felt the cool air on her back and instinctively went to grab the covers, pulling them around her. A slow smile crossed her face as she felt the warmth encompass her and her hand reached out for the body next to her. But her fingers felt nothing except the coolness of the crumpled sheets and her smile down turned into a puzzled frown.

Shifting her head on the pillow, Stephanie turned her head to the side. The white light of the moon illuminated the empty pillow next to her and she realised Paul wasn't there. He was awake and seeing the open window leading to the adjoining balcony, she knew exactly where he was.

Stephanie yawned and sat up in bed. The mattress shifted underneath her as she swung her legs over the bed and got to her feet. There was a slight chill in the room despite the sticky summer heat and Stephanie felt her naked body prickle with tiny goose bumps. Rubbing her arms, she searched around herself. She saw Paul's t-shirt lying in a heap on the soft carpet and picking it up, she quickly pulled it on. She was immediately hit with the familiar smell of his cologne and she breathed it in as she flicked her hair from the neck. The cotton material almost drowned her and her hands disappeared inside the long sleeves but she felt warm once more as she wandered over to the tall balcony windows, hooking her thumbs over the cuffs.

She saw Paul leaning against the railing. His body was still and his long blonde hair blew in the gentle breeze. She stood there for a second just content to watch him and admire how perfect he was. His black shorts hung low over his hips and she could see the smooth curve of his spine. His skin looked so flawless and beautiful in the moonlight and the muscles in his huge back seemed to ripple in the shadows. Was it any wonder she found herself unable to keep her hands off him? Even now, after the night they had shared, she felt her body tingle with her desire for him. But right now, that desire was being overshadowed by her concern for Paul and why he obviously couldn't sleep despite the late hour.

Frowning slightly, Stephanie stepped out onto the balcony. She stood next to Paul, her slender fingers gripping the cold metal railing as he turned his head to acknowledge her, the soft moonlight falling over his face as he smiled at her.

"Hey there beautiful." he hushed.

"Hey." she replied, returning his smile. A small gust of wind blew her hair across her face and she lifted her hand to brush it away, tucking the locks behind her ear. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Not really." Paul shifted closer to her, his brown eyes twinkling as he nudged her playfully with his hip. "Your snoring kept me awake."

"I do not snore." Stephanie protested with her big blue eyes widening incredulously.

"You do too."

"I do not."

Paul's deep chuckle carried in the balmy evening breeze and as he leant his forearms on the railing, Stephanie watched him stare out once more in the direction of the gardens. His expression was thoughtful, even almost melancholy as he stood there and she began to wonder what sort of memories this house held for him and if he had a happy childhood growing up here. She knew so little about Paul personally and she was so desperate to change that. She was eager to share in every single moment and know every single thing about the man who had unexpectedly crept into her life and stolen her heart.

Licking her lips, Stephanie mimicked Paul's stance as she leant forward on the railing clasping her hands together.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him softly.

Paul shook his head slowly. "Nothing really."

"Now who's the one who needs to admit the truth to me?!"

Stephanie saw his face flicker with a smile as she reminded him of their earlier conversation but that smile quickly faded as he continued to stare straight ahead, his shoulders slumped almost sadly. Her right hand slipped into his left one and she squeezed it comfortingly.

"Come on, Paul. Talk to me." she encouraged him.

His sigh was heavy as his fingers absently toyed with her hand. "Trust me. You don't want to know."

"Yes I do. That's why I'm asking you."

Paul remained silent, reluctant to share what was on his mind. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just didn't know how to. Ever since his mom had died he wasn't used to anyone giving a crap about him. Then Stephanie had walked into his life and he had fallen in love and for some inexplicable reason she had loved him back. He didn't know why she did but he wasn't going to question it. He was just going to thank his lucky stars that he got to be so lucky. And he did consider himself lucky despite the fact she was married to another man and not just any man; Stephanie was married to the man he considered his father.

His father. Fuck. He felt sick even thinking about it. In fact, it was the reason he couldn't sleep tonight. Holding Stephanie in his arms only reminded him of what he was about to lose. And he would lose her if his father had anything to do with it. He would pull out all the stops to make sure Stephanie couldn't leave him. He wouldn't give a damn that his son's heart would be broken in two or that he was losing the one true thing in his life.

But funnily enough his broken heart hadn't seemed to matter when he had gotten off that plane only a few days ago. All that had mattered had been Stephanie and how much she had needed him. And little did she know he needed her every bit as badly. He just had to figure out a way for them to be together somehow, someway without Stephanie feeling like she was being ripped in two, having to make a choice he knew he could never ask her to make.

"You know I won't give up until you tell me."

Paul slowly turned his head and saw Stephanie watching him. He saw her jaw set in determination and he knew he had no choice but to be honest with her. He was going to have to tell her sooner or later anyway. The clock was ticking. They were living on borrowed time.

Shifting his feet, he let his brown eyes linger on her beautiful face, drinking her in, committing her to memory.

"If you must know I was thinking about how much I'm really going to miss this place when I leave."

"You make it sound like you're never coming back." smiled Stephanie.

But that smile faded when she saw the sombre expression on Paul's face and she felt the panic twist in her chest as she realised the truth.

"You're not coming back, are you?"

Paul slowly shook his head, his shoulders rising and falling with his sad sigh. "I can't."

"But why?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

He paused and stood up from the railing, letting go of her hand as he began to pace in front of her, his movement agitated as his long fingers raked through his hair.

"I mean, come on, Steph. You've seen how it is between me and my father."

"Yeah but….."

"But nothing!" he said sharply, interrupting Stephanie as he stopped to stand directly in front of her. His brown eyes flashed dark with his anger. "The man hates my damn guts. He always has and he always will."

Stephanie shook her head, her hand reaching to rest gently on his arm. "That's not true. Paul, you're his flesh and blood; his son."

Her brow crinkled with her confusion as she heard his loud snort accompanied by a sarcastic chuckle.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked him.

"You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?" she asked impatiently.

"John Levesque?"

Paul stopped and licked his lips, his expression sombre once more as his brown eyes sought out hers.

"He's not my father, Steph. Well, not my biological father anyway."

Stephanie's mouth parted in stunned surprise and her words caught in her throat as she tried to absorb what Paul was telling her.

"I see you're shocked. Not as shocked as I was when I found out although I must admit it certainly made sense of a lot of things. Like why it always felt like my father was keeping his distance from me."

His demeanour shifted and his anger visibly slipped away as his shoulders rose and fell with his heavy sigh. Stephanie watched as Paul leant his hip against the railing once more, his face softening and falling with an inner sadness; it was a sadness she had seen before and recognised from the morning John had left and Paul had told him goodbye.

"You know he never really talked to me. Not about the stuff that really mattered and he never listened either when I would try to tell him about school or talk about football or anything I thought we might have in common. He just wasn't interested in me; not when I was a constant reminder of what Mom had done to him. Emotionally, he just shut himself off. And now……"

Paul's eyes briefly glanced at the ground as he felt the all too familiar pang of guilt in his chest; guilt that accompanied the ghosts that haunted him every single time he thought of his mother.

"Well now he can't even bear to look at me and who can blame him?" he said sadly.

Stephanie immediately knew Paul was talking about his mother's death. She could feel the pain in his words and she instantly wrapped her arms around him, holding him close desperate to comfort him and reassure him that he wasn't to blame. God knows how he had felt carrying this burden around with him all these years and of course it hadn't helped when a horrible and vindictive man had hurled those cruel accusations his way. It was little wonder Paul had never been able to forgive himself when John could never offer him that same forgiveness. Her husband really was a total bastard and it made a lot of sense that Paul wasn't his son because they were absolutely nothing alike at all.

"The accident wasn't your fault, Paul." stressed Stephanie as she kissed his temple and slightly stepping back from him, she placed her finger under his chin and lifted it, forcing his eyes to meet hers. Her heart broke for him when she saw the hurt and guilt that haunted his chocolate brown pools.

"Look I don't really know what when on that night but what I do know is that the drunk driver was responsible for killing your mother. Not you."

Paul was unconvinced as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug.

"Maybe but it was still me who took her out of the house and put her in the car."

He paused and let out a shaky breath.

"I put her in danger, Steph. I killed her all because I just couldn't stand to see her like that, gasping for breath, scared she was about to die on me."

Stephanie said nothing and waited patiently as his brown eyes glossed over and Paul pressed his lips together trying his best to control his emotions as she rubbed his arm affectionately. God, she hated seeing him so upset. It was like a dagger to her heart and she wished she could take his pain away but at the same time, she wanted him to open to her. She hated the fact he had been walking around, bottling this up all this time. It wasn't healthy. He needed to let it out and she would be here for him when he did.

"I just thought they could help her, you know." he said softly when he eventually continued. "I just thought I would get her there and they could do something for her and I wouldn't have to lose her."

Paul quickly lowered his head and Stephanie instinctively pulled him to her once more, holding him tightly as her hands rubbed over the slightly chilled skin on his back.

"I know and you can't blame yourself for that. You were scared, Paul. You thought you were doing the right thing and it wasn't your fault the crash happened."

She felt his head shake against her and she forced him away from her, determined to make him listen to her, determined to make him see sense.

"Paul, listen to me." she pleaded with him as her hands firmly gripped his large biceps. "That drunk driver killed your mother. No-one else! And as horrible as it sounds, maybe the accident was a blessing in disguise. Your mother was dying, Paul. If it hadn't been that night, it would only have been a matter of time. She was in so much pain and the crash….well, it ended that pain for her. It ended her suffering."

"But I didn't get the chance to tell her, Steph."

His words were so soft she had to strain to her them and when Paul lifted his head to finally look at her, she saw the unshed tears in his eyes and she felt the hard lump in her throat.

"I didn't get to tell her goodbye or let her know how much I loved her."

"She knows, Paul." Stephanie whispered as a solitary tear trickled down her cheek. "Your mom knows."

Paul's bottom lip trembled with his emotion and she wrapped her arms tightly around him, kissing his hair and feeling his body start to lightly shake against her with his painful breaths and his tears.

"Let it go, baby." she hushed as she rocked Paul gently in her arms, closing her eyes as she held him close and let him cry.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_Never gone, never far  
In my heart is where you are  
Always close, everyday  
Every step along the way  
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye  
I know you will be forever in my life  
Never gone_

"_I wish you were coming with me."_

Stephanie pressed her lips tightly together as she remembered Paul's whispered words. Her blue eyes were glossy with tears that she tried to control as she looked around the busy airport. It was filled with people catching flights and people saying goodbye to their families and their loved ones. Her chest ached knowing she would be saying goodbye too. God knows she didn't want to but she had no choice because Paul was leaving today. Their brief time together was coming to an end and there was nothing she could do stop it. A few hours from now and they would be hundreds of miles apart. Paul was going back home.

Pushing back the hot lump in her throat, Stephanie turned her head. Her heart was heavy as she saw Paul leave the check-in desk and slowly walk towards her. The plane ticket in his hand felt like a kick to her gut and she felt a wave of desperation wash over her as he approached her. She wanted to beg him to stay. She wanted to plead with him to take her with him.

But of course, he couldn't take her anywhere. She knew that. So did Paul. That's why he'd whispered those words into the darkness last night thinking she was fast asleep in his arms. She wasn't meant to hear them. She wasn't supposed to know that she had a choice if she wanted it; a choice that Paul unselfishly had never asked her to make knowing exactly what was at stake if he did. He simply understood and she was so grateful for that. Paul got her. He got that her mother would always come first no matter what and that included her own personal happiness. Even now, she could feel her heart breaking at the thought of losing this; of losing the love she had found with Paul. What she felt for him was so incredible and strong and pure. It scared her knowing she would have to find a way to be without him – for now at least.

"Well it seems the airline hadn't blacklisted me after all." joked Paul as he stood in front of her.

Stephanie forced a smile while inside her stomach was churning listlessly, sick at the thought of losing him. As his fingers sought out hers, her eyes began to frantically scan his face hungrily drinking him in, trying her best to burn him into her memory because all too soon, her memories were all she would have left.

"That's my flight." he sighed as the boarding call crackled over the tannoy system.

She nodded and sniffed, trying her best to hold back her tears. She wanted to be strong. She couldn't break down even if her heart felt like it was being ripped in two.

"You take care of yourself, okay?" he hushed, his hand lifting and gliding slowly down her cheek, his brown eyes flickering with his own pain.

It was all too much for Stephanie to bear and she couldn't stop the tear that trickled down her cheek as she brought her own hand to cover his, her fingers curling around it desperately.

"But I don't know when I will see you again." she said shakily. "I'm scared, Paul. I don't want to lose you. I can't."

Her voice broke as her eyes brimmed over with her tears. Paul pulled her into his arms and she dropped her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes and holding onto him tightly.

"You're not going to lose me, Steph. I promise." he whispered into her hair. "I love you. I'll always love you."

Stephanie swallowed hard, pushing back the hot lump in her throat as she lifted her head. Her bottom lip lightly trembled as she looked into his eyes and whispered back. "I love you too."

His expression was gentle as his thumb lightly wiped at her wet cheek.

"This isn't goodbye, you know."

"No?"

Paul slowly shook his head.

"Then why does my heart feel like it's breaking in two?"

Just then the tannoy crackled again announcing the final call for the flight. To Stephanie, the muffled words were like a death sentence and she suddenly felt a little cold and a little frightened.

"I'll call you, okay?" said Paul softly.

His lips brushed over hers lingering for a brief moment before he reluctantly pulled away, his fingers brushing over hers as he took a couple of steps back and lifted his bag.

Stephanie could only watch as he walked away, his distinctive figure disappearing into the crowds of people. Her tears slipping down her cheeks, she lifted her hand in a slight wave.

"See ya." she said softly before turning on her heel and walking in the opposite direction.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

_Save me I'm falling again  
Keep me from breaking in a million pieces  
In the end no matter what I do  
There's nowhere, nowhere to go  
Nowhere to go but you_

The phone rang out at the other end. Hugging her arm around herself, Stephanie leant her head against the wall, closing her eyes, silently pleading for Paul to pick up. But the disappointment crept in when for the third time in as many hours, the answer machine kicked in and she felt her heart ache as she listened to the sound of his deep familiar tone.

"Hey. I'm not home else I'm too busy to come to the phone right now. Here comes the beep. You know what to do." 

Stephanie gripped the receiver tightly as her eyes flickered open and letting out a shaky breath, she spoke into the receiver trying her best to keep it together.

"Paul? It's me."

She paused for a second and swallowed the hot lump in her throat. Her hand trembled lightly as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"It's Mom, Paul. I….I need you."

Her voice trailed off as her composure shook and she squeezed her eyes shut as she bit down on her lip trying hard to hold back her tears. They were tears she didn't want to shed, scared she would never stop once she finally let them out.

"Look, will you just call me? Please." she finally sputtered out.

The receiver gave a click as she placed it back down. Her sad, glossy blue eyes stared ahead at the hospital ward where nurses were rushing around and people were impatiently waiting for news about their loved ones. It all seemed so normal but for her, it was anything but. In fact, her life would never be normal again. Not after today. Her mom was dying and there was nothing she could do except sit around here and wait.

Stephanie's stomach churned nauseously as she walked back to the hospital room. Her footsteps were slow and deliberate not wanting to get there too soon. Not wanting to sit in that chair and watch the most precious thing in her life slip away from her. She was just so scared. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to say goodbye and the thought of losing her mom hurt her so much her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. The pain was radiating throughout her entire body all but consuming her. Still, she had to find a way to hold it all together. She had to be strong for her mom. There would be plenty of time for her tears and her sorrow afterwards.

Letting out a slow calming breath, Stephanie approached the hospital room. She could see her husband through the glass of the small side window. He had agreed to sit by her mother's bed while she was gone. She hadn't wanted to leave her alone and he had understood that. In fact, he had been surprisingly sensitive and supportive all morning since he had arrived. And John didn't have to be here. She hadn't expected anything from him yet he had come and in a way she had been grateful. It meant she wasn't alone. She could find some form of comfort from his company. Of course it was a poor substitute for the comfort she was so desperately seeking. That could come from only one man. Paul. He was her strength. He was her safe place to fall. It was why she had called him time and time again. She needed him so much and she wished so badly that he was here. She knew he would help her find a way to get through this. Paul would hold her hand and somehow she'd survive.

But Paul wasn't here. He wasn't answering her calls. She wasn't sure he'd even gotten her messages and he was hundreds of miles away. By the time he got here it would probably be far too late. She was going to have to find a way to do this on her own and without him.

Pushing her hand against the laminated wood, Stephanie walked into her mother's room. Despite the bright sunshine that filtered through the gap in the closed blinds, the room felt cold and uninviting. She felt herself shiver as she walked timidly towards the bed where her mother lay. She offered John a brief smile as she moved past him. The tears burned the back of her throat as she saw her mom's beautiful face yet she managed to find some solace in the peaceful expression she wore. She wasn't in any pain. The doctors had made sure of that and that, at least, offered her a small comfort.

Taking her seat next to the bed, Stephanie reached for her mother's hand as the monitors beeped rhythmically beside her. Kissing her knuckles, her left hand brushed back the coarse short strands from her face. Her forehead felt warm and clammy. Her skin was lucid and pale. Holding her hand tightly, Stephanie sat in silence just watching her mom content just to be with her, grateful to be able to hold her and touch her while she still could.

"The office called."

John's voice lifted her out of her haze. Stephanie glanced up at her husband who had gotten to his feet and his grey eyes wore an apologetic expression as he looked at her.

"I have to go."

She nodded and was surprised by the gentle squeeze she felt as his hand lightly gripped her shoulder.

"I'll be back later."

There was a beat before his heavy footsteps echoed in the room and the door clicked shut behind him. Sighing softly, Stephanie shifted on the chair leaning forward to speak softly above the machines as her blue eyes fell fondly on her mother's face.

"It's just you and me, Mom."

She felt her stomach ache and her eyes welled up with her tears as she touched her drawn face, her thumb lightly tracing her sharp cheek as she watched her carefully. Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered softly.

"It's always been me and you, huh?"

Suddenly she felt her pain and her sadness begin to overwhelm her. Stephanie squeezed her eyes shut determined not to cry but she couldn't stop the solitary tear that managed to escape from her lashes and trickle down her cheek. She furiously wiped it away and pressed her lips together tightly determined not to shed any more. She couldn't cry now. She had to be strong. She couldn't lose it.

But that resolve quickly began to crumble when she heard the door open and she turned her head. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him standing there and the tears began to slip down her cheeks as she pushed back her chair and rushed over towards him.

"Paul!" she cried as she reached for him, collapsing into him as she buried her head into his chest. She felt his big arms encompass her and wrap around her, holding her tight. She clung onto him as her choked sobs filled the room, so grateful he was there as her body began to shake with her frightened breaths and tears.

"I'm so sorry, Steph." Paul hushed as his thick fingers brushed through the ends of her soft hair.

She let out a heart wrenching cry as he rocked her in his arms. Her head was spinning. Her throat was burning. Inside, her heart was breaking into a million pieces. The pain was unbearable as she cried for her mother and somewhere a little part of her cried for herself too. She wasn't sure she could cope without the woman who had been her life and who meant everything to her. But somehow she knew she would be alright. She would find a way to make it through. Paul was here and that was all she needed. He was all she would ever need.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_When this whole world gets too crazy  
And there's nowhere left to go  
I know you give me sanctuary  
You're the only truth I know  
You're the road back home_

Paul made his way to the hospital room, his hand clutching the cup of coffee he had brought for Stephanie. He didn't know why he had bothered really. She hadn't even touched the last cup he had offered her a little earlier on but he just had to do something, anything to stop him feeling so useless. Stephanie was hurting and unfortunately there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Sighing softly, Paul's hand lifted to rake through his hair. He spotted her as he glanced through the small side window. She was sitting by her mother's bed clutching her hand tightly. His heart broke for her knowing she hadn't left her side once, fearing that she could slip away at any second. She wanted to be there for her final breath. She didn't want her mother to be alone and that was something he more than understood. He just wished there was something he could do to help her. Even from here, he could see Stephanie's face was etched with her pain and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and make that pain go away. But he couldn't no matter how badly he wanted to and he had to admit that made him feel pretty fucking helpless. Instead all he could do was be here for her and be her shoulder, a safe place to fall when she needed him. And he knew she did need him. He had heard it in her voice in the frantic phone messages she had left on his answer machine. That's why he had jumped on the first plane and gotten here as fast as he could. He didn't want her to be alone through this either.

Pushing open the door, Paul silently entered the room and the warm air instantly stifled him. Seeing Linda lying there flooded his mind with memories and reminded him of his own heartache. But none of that mattered right now. All that mattered was Stephanie and getting her through this.

Slowly approaching the bed, he saw Stephanie lift her head and her big glossy blue eyes killed him as they stared up at him.

"How are you holding up?" he asked her placing the coffee down on the small stand. His big hand reached to smooth back the hair from her forehead before dropping a kiss there and taking the small plastic chair next to her.

"I'm okay." she replied softly.

"Really?" he asked knowing better.

The tears shone in her eyes as she slowly shook her head. Her fingers felt ice cold as he gripped them lightly. "I'm just so glad you're here, Paul. I don't think I can do this on my own."

Stephanie pressed her lips together tightly as her composure began to shake and let her head fall to rest in the crook of his neck. She turned her head breathing him in, seeking solace in his gentle warmth.

"You won't be alone." he told her. "I'm here Steph and I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

As he kissed her hair, Stephanie closed her eyes taking comfort in his reassurance to her. But deep down, she already knew Paul would be there for her. That's why she called him. She knew he wouldn't let her down and just the fact he was here soothed her more than any words could and gave her the strength to face all of this. Without Paul, she would crumble. She needed him so desperately.

"At least she looks peaceful."

Stephanie sniffed and lifted her head. Her blue eyes were gentle as they fell on her mother, her thumb lightly grazing the sharp knuckles of her small fragile hand. "The doctor told me she wouldn't be in any pain. That's something I guess."

She sighed softly as she gazed at her sadly.

"I just wish she would open her eyes. Just for a moment. Just so I can tell her just how much I love her and how much I'm going to miss her."

Stephanie's voice cracked and she dropped her head overwhelmed by her sorrow. Paul's arm slipped around her shoulder as her tears burned the back of her throat and she bit down on her lip trying her hardest not to cry. She wanted to stay strong. She was too afraid to let go because once she did, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop. This whole thing was breaking her heart and she was so frightened inside. While she was grateful her mother's suffering was almost over, she didn't know how she was going to survive without her. She was the most precious thing in the world to her. Her mother was her best friend and her confidante. It had always been the two of them, together. Now she would have to do it all alone and find a way to be without her and she wasn't so sure she could.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

She jumped in her chair, slightly startled by the disapproving voice. John. She hadn't heard him enter the room.

As she glanced up, she saw Paul smile at her reassuringly before he released her and stood up to face his father. His wrinkled thin face was set in a disapproving scowl as he glared back at him.

"I asked you a question." he reminded him.

Paul slowly shook his head unable to believe the audacity of the man. It was clear he was looking to start an argument. And while he couldn't blame him for being upset at finding him here, he had to remember the bigger picture here. Stephanie's mother was dying. He could at least show a little fucking respect.

"Look, I don't think this is the time or the place….."

John pointed his finger interrupting him. "I don't give a damn what you think. I just want to know what you're doing here."

"I'm here for Stephanie." he replied simply.

"Stephanie? Why? She doesn't want you here."

"I think that's her decision to make, don't you?"

John's cold grey eyes narrowed in his direction. "Don't you get smart with me boy! Stephanie is my wife. I know what she wants and what she needs."

"Do you really?"

"Yes I do. And don't think I don't know what this is about. You're only here to try and ease your guilty conscience over your own mother."

Paul's brown eyes flashed dark with his anger. "Don't you dare bring her into this!"

"And why not? It's the truth!"

His mouth parted to reply when Stephanie's voice silenced him.

"Just stop this, both of you!"

He turned to look at her. Her bottom lip was trembling with her emotion and he immediately felt guilty knowing this was the last thing she needed. God, he was so stupid but it was all because of his father. The old bastard always had a way of pushing his buttons.

As his face flickered with his tight apologetic smile, Stephanie nodded acknowledging him before folding her arms across her chest and turning to her husband.

"John, Paul is staying. I asked him to be here."

"Why?"

"It's simple really. I need him."

"Wh…what? How?"

As his stunned face stared back at her, Stephanie reached for Paul's hand. She gripped it tightly sliding her fingers through his and finding her courage there. She was so sick and tired of living of a lie. It was time for the truth and the truth was she didn't need John any more. Not now her mother was dying. His money couldn't save her now. Nothing could.

"I don't believe this."

John stared between them angrily. His nostrils were flaring with his rage as he looked at Paul, the reality of the situation slowly dawning on him.

"So how long have you been screwing my wife?" he spat out.

"Dad…."

He lifted his hand instantly silencing him. "Don't you call me that! Don't you ever call me that! I'm not your father. You're not my son."

He shook his head as he took a step back.

"You make me sick. Both of you."

The door slammed shut behind him as John quickly left the hospital room. Paul let out the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and turned to Stephanie. His brown eyes were remorseful as they sought out hers.

"I'm so sorry, Steph."

"I'm not."

His face flickered with his surprise at her blunt reply. Stephanie noticed his confusion and lightly squeezing his fingers, she smiled sadly.

"Don't you see? It's going to be over. The whole lie is finally going to be over."

A solitary tear slipped over her lashes as she pressed her lips together and glanced over at her mother. She let out a shaky breath struggling to keep her composure as she felt Paul pull her close and hold her. She gripped onto him tightly afraid to let him go. She was in danger of completely falling apart and he was the only thing holding her together. He was the only person she could rely on and it was only a matter of time before Paul would be all she had left.


	22. Chapter 22

Well it took me long enough but I finally got this story finished. It's the ending I always planned even if it took me a while to get here lol. But for everyone that's read the story and taken the time to reply, thank you. It means a lot to me and makes this whole writing thing worthwhile. :)

* * *

Epilogue

Chapter 22

"_It feels like home to me, i__t feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong"_

_One year later_

Stephanie began to walk down the narrow pathway of the graveyard. She tilted her face to the sky feeling the warmth from the rays of the sun as they continued to beat down on her. It was a glorious summer day but yet it was tinged with her sadness. It was her mom's anniversary. It had been a year ago today she had passed away.

Sighing sadly, Stephanie felt her heart ache with her loss and her footsteps slowed with trepidation as she approached the familiar white marble headstone. She clutched the bouquet of flowers to her chest. It was still so hard for her to come here, to visit her mother's resting place. It had been even harder the day of the funeral. It had been a beautiful sunny day that morning too and for some reason that had made it seem even worse because how could it be so glorious outside when her whole world was falling apart around her. It just didn't seem right. Just like it didn't seem right that the most precious thing in her life had been cruelly taken away from her. Yet at the same time it had been a blessing she was gone. Her mom was no longer in any pain any more. Her suffering could finally be over.

Stephanie let out a calming breath as she stood in front of the grave. The white roses she had brought only last week still stood proudly in the small metal grate. She placed the orange coloured cala-lilies she held on the ledge next to them.

"Hey Mom." she said as she stepped back and tears suddenly burned her throat. Her watery blue eyes stared sadly at the gold lettered inscription that bore her mother's name.

"_You can sleep now and rest peacefully with the angels."_

It was an inscription she couldn't even remember choosing. Everything had been such a haze in the run up to the funeral and even for a long while after. Because as much as Stephanie thought she had prepared herself for her inevitable loss, the reality of her mom actually dying had hit her hard. Her whole life had been her and her mom together and suddenly she didn't have that any more. Her mom was gone. She didn't need her daughter to bathe her. She didn't need her to make her weekly trip down to the pharmacy to get her medication. She didn't need her for anything any more. She had no one to care for and Stephanie hadn't known what to do with her self. She had felt so empty and lost. Most times she felt like a stranger to herself too and then there were the days when the pain was so fresh and so raw that she just couldn't still.

"I miss you." Stephanie sniffed.

Her shaky breath mixed in with the light breeze that blew through the trees and the branches whispered back to her. Or at least Stephanie liked to think they were whispering. She took comfort from the belief that they were the whispers of the souls that lay at rest here; the whispers of her own mother.

"But you don't have to worry about me." she told her as her hand lifted to wipe at her cheek and chase away the solitary tear that had escaped and slipped over her lashes. "I'm doing okay. Paul is looking after me."

Stephanie turned and held out her hand to the man that stood just a few feet away respectfully keeping his distance as she paid her respects. But while Paul gave her space, he was always within her reach. And that was the way it had been ever since that horrible day a year ago. He'd never let her down. He was always there when she had needed him and when she pushed him away he understood her reasons because Paul got it. More than anyone he knew she was going through. When she had fallen apart, he had picked her back up again. He had been her rock and her shoulder through everything. Paul had been her safe place to fall and she was so grateful to him because without him, she wasn't sure she would have survived.

"You think she can hear me?" she asked him as Paul took her hand, linking his fingers through hers as Stephanie leant his head on his shoulder.

"Of course she can hear you and she'll be proud of you, Steph. I know she will." he smiled fondly as he dropped a kiss in her soft brown hair.

"I just wish she could meet her." Stephanie sighed as she rubbed her hand over her rounded stomach.

She was five months pregnant much to her and Paul's surprise. She could still remember the day she had found out about the baby. She had been upset and scared and Paul had found her in a hysterical mess on the bathroom floor. She hadn't been making much sense but when he had seen the positive pregnancy test in her hand, he had simply held her until her tears had run dry. He had then made a promise to always be there for her and the baby no matter what and from that day on Stephanie had held onto that promise even making a promise to herself that she would find a way to cope with everything because now there wasn't just her self to think of. There was the baby too and she was going to be there for her child just like her mom had been there for her. God, she would have been such the proud grandmother doting on her grandchild. She just wished Linda was here so she could hold the baby in her arms just one time.

"There could actually be a him in there you know."

Paul's voice lifted her from her thoughts and Stephanie's mouth curved up gently as she turned to face him.

"It could. Guess we'll have to wait and find out."

The truth was they didn't know if their baby was a boy or a girl. They wanted it to be a surprise especially when the truth was there were very few real surprises in life any more or at least the happy surprises anyway. So her child would be one of them and that's where she lucked out because Stephanie knew she had been fortunate to find two in her life. She had found Paul after all.

"Come on. Let's get you home."

Stephanie smiled at that thought. Home. For so long that idea had been a stranger to her as she had put her own wants and happiness aside to get the help her mother had so desperately needed. She had married John. A man whose money gave her the lifeline she had so desperately needed but when her mom had gone, so had any obligation she had to stay with him. Not that John had wanted her to stay anyway. The second he had discovered her and Paul were together he had cut both of them from his life stating he never wanted to see them ever again. And that suited them fine. That chapter of her life was over and she was with Paul. Her heart belonged to him. He was her home now.

"Goodbye Mom. I love you." Stephanie smiled and this time she allowed her tears to fall as she realised it was okay to cry. She wasn't going to completely fall apart but if she did she knew she wasn't alone. Paul would always be there to catch her.

"Sleep tight Linda." Paul smiled and began to follow Stephanie as she led him towards the narrow path. But he paused for a second, turning on his heel and his brown eyes settled on the marble headstone one last time.

"I'll take care of them both. I promise." he told her softly.

Paul felt the light breeze on his face as he turned away and as he caught up with Stephanie, the branches rustled behind him gently whispering their approval.


End file.
